This week's episode of The Real Housewives of New Jersey featured something I hate. It was a beautiful hot and sunny Sunday here in New York and Bravo went and aired a Christmas episode -- not cool, right? I mean, I want to embrace the warm weather, the flip-flops, the daytime drinking. I don't want to see Christmas trees, chestnuts, and stockings. It was really kind of gross. Okay, I had to get that off my chest.
First let's discuss Melissa Gorga and her singing career. In case you didn't know, it's flourishing. Oh, yes. She had a gaggle of producers and people who have been "singing since they were 2" over to her house to hear her belt out that ridiculous song about her "always being in the press" or whatever similar phrase that conveys the message (which is completely asinine since the show hadn't even aired yet at the time of her "writing it"), and they loved it! So much so that her husband Joe agreed to the most INSANE thing ever.
He's building her a recording studio in the basement! And let's be honest -- if you really think about it -- could you imagine it any other way? It's almost like, "Of course he's building her a recording studio in the basement."
See, once Joe Gorga heard that Melissa could be at the studio "up to 14 hours a day," he was all, "I'm going to build you a studio in the basement because it's not cool for a mother of three kids to be gone that long." (Even though she still wouldn't be with the kids if she were at home "recording" for a million hours.) Then, on what seemed like the next day in editing land, contractors were in the basement measuring crap and builders were building stuff. It seems like a waste of space, if you ask me. I think he totally should have stuck with his original plan to build a wine cellar.
When she had a free moment from making the sign of the cross and thanking Jesus, Melissa went down to check out the studio. She stepped into the would-be recording box and said that she A) didn't think it was big enough and B) wanted it gold. Do you think she is a good person?
In other not-as-exciting news, Lauren Manzo showed that she's just like her mom Caroline when she cried on a visit to her brothers' new Hoboken apartment. She feels that they're not including her enough anymore -- and she's really not feeling their roommate, Greg, who I happen to think seems like a really solid dude. It's like she wants to be invited over every time the boys open a can of soup. Let them breathe, Lauren. You have a boyfriend and friends of your own. Do you.
Teresa and Joe Giudice's bankruptcy court business was also going on. You think that would make for good TV, but it didn't, as nothing was shown. All's we saw was Kim G -- who, yeah, made a cameo with her weird self -- try to talk s**t to Jacqueline about it. But Jacqueline was so not having it. She was being a good friend to Teresa and told Kim G to "shut the f**k up." Seriously. Okay, so that was good TV.
The episode ended at Jacqueline's Christmas party, where everybody -- except Kathy Wakile and her husband Rich -- was invited. Melissa and Joe Gorga made a seriously good impression on everyone. The Manzos, including all the Manzo kids, were all like, "Oh my God, the Gorgas are so much fun. They're so amazing. They're so sexy and cool." I'm serious. Watch it if you don't believe me.
That's fine if they want to like them -- I'm sure they are really fun people to hang out with -- but they don't know about how rude and two-faced they (especially Melissa) can be. And I'm sure if Caroline saw Melissa bitching about the size and material of her recording studio like we did, she wouldn't think she was as sexy. Those two put on a good show, though. On a dare, Joe put on Jacqueline's sequined jumpsuit and started bouncing around in it. Even I was like, "Hmm. I wouldn't mind drinking Skinnygirl Margaritas with them." But I know better, though.
The episode basically ended with Melissa and Teresa getting into this weird passive-aggressive argument at the party. Melissa made some comment about how she would "die without her sisters" in front of Teresa. (She totally was doing it to annoy Teresa, too.) Teresa was then like, "Um, hello, I'm your sister." And then Melissa was like, "Um, hello, why don't you start acting like it." Then they kept going back in forth in that weird "hello"-like tone. They looked like idiots.
All in all a solid ep, save for the dang winter reminder. But for some reason, I don't think the weather is going to bother me in next week's episode, because oh yes, it looks like we might have another epic RHONJ episode on our hands. I don't think it's going to top the table flipping one -- that would be crazy -- but it looks pretty damn close. See you then.
What did you think of the episode?
Image via Bravo