I guess it's appropriate that tonight's episode of True Blood, "You Smell Like Dinner," left me ... hungry. Eric, I'll be yours! Screw Sookie! I may not be a faerie, but my blood must be fairly sweet because mosquitoes love me.
Anyway. Give me a second to focus here ... okay. Lots of other stuff happened in episode 38 besides Eric being hot. In fact, there were several blood-curdling twists, and some of the best lines I've heard since Season 2 -- keep reading, because I've bolded and italicized them!
So, remember last week when Jason got himself knocked out and locked in a refrigerator by Crystal's clan of inbred were-panthers? I kind of thought maybe they were going to eat him, but in fact, Crystal and her half-brother/fiance Felton have a greater purpose in mind for that silly Stackhouse boy: Seems Felton's been "shootin' blanks," and Crystal's gotta make a baby with somebody ("propagate the blood line" and all). Of course, the only way she's guaranteed a panther baby is if she and Felton turn Jason into one of their own kind first ... too bad Sheriff Andy can't save him. He's too busy scamming a vial of V from Felton to notice his buddy's screams. "Can't you read, Jethro?" he screams while waving a search warrant in an inbred teen's face.
Meanwhile, Eric is trying to convince a still-damp-from-the-shower Sookie that she should be his: He can offer her protection from all the other faerie blood-lusting vampires, he says, plus, he cares about her. Awww! And he knows her, he says -- he knows there are two Sookie Stackhouses, the one who still wants to be a human and the one who knows she's "better" than that, a fact he's waiting for her to come to terms with. What does Eric think is going to happen when she does, Sookie wants to know: "Do you think my legs are going to magically open for you?" "That was saucy," Eric replies.
Sookie better get her saucy on soon, because Bill's not exactly pining away for his faerie princess. No, he's far too busy banging turncoat Wiccan Katerina, who stopped by to tell the King of Louisiana about the coven's success bringing the dead bird back to life. Awkwardly, Katerina is still in Bill's bedroom when Sookie drops in on her former flame to ask his help in getting Eric to sell back her house. There's not much Bill can do, he explains, regardless of his royal status. Sookie starts to ask how Bill became king in the first place, then leaves, deciding she doesn't want to know. This sends Bill into a bizarre little flashback: It's the 80's in London, Bill's in full punk regalia feeding on a spiky-haired bartender outside a club when Nan emerges from the shadows.
She's been watching Bill because he doesn't kill his prey, she explains. Human blood is close to being synthesized, and she's looking for a few good vampire spies to infiltrate the monarchies and make mainstreaming a reality ... "Are you in, or are you out?" she asks, sounding like an undead Heidi Klum.
Bill later has another flashback about his final battle with Sophie-Anne, who expired in a hail of wooden bullets with silver cores fired by a squad of humans at Bill's behest. So that's what happened. He also puts Eric on the task of keeping an eye on the witches. Initially dismissive, Eric accepts the mission when he hears the word "necromancers."
Back at Merlotte's, Sookie apologizes to Sam for being gone so long and meets Terry and Arlene's (or rather, Rene and Arlene's) baby Mikey for the first time. Arlene is getting more and more paranoid about her baby being the spawn of Satan, and goes totally bonkers when a blood vessel bursts in her eye, convinced the baby did it. I love how Terry is the sane one now.
Speaking of Sam, he's now got his eye on fellow shifter Luna from his "anger management" group. At first, she runs (literally) from his naked moonlit advances, but shows up the next day in his office to "seduce" him. Turns out she's got a shady past (don't we all) that she doesn't like talking about ... long story short, she's a shifter who can shift into other people. Oh, this is going to be fun! Sam also has a scuffle with Tommy, who just "wants to be brothers," it turns out. Sam is skeptical, but not that skeptical, cause he's Sam.
Seems the honeymoon is way over with Jessica and Hoyt, who gets into a brawl outside of Fangtasia when a crowd of protesters harasses the couple. Jessica bares her fangs but Pam holds her back, noting the protesters filming the fight on their phones. "Technology has taken all the fun out of being a vampire," Pam drawls. The next night, Jessica and Hoyt are arguing again, this time because he referred to her blood as "sh*t." Angry, Jessica heads back to Fangtasia in search of the fangbanger she had her eye on the night before ... and she finds him! Yeah she does. Later, Sookie finds the two of them in the bathroom (she's at Fangtasia trying to find Eric) and tries to talk some "what about Hoyt" sense into Jessica, but, well, that doesn't go over so well.
But what of the Wiccans?? you're wondering. We're getting there. Lafayette has a bad feeling about the coven after Marnie's bringing-back-the-dead trick, but Jesus talks him into another meeting (Tara, back in town to visit Sookie, gets taken along for the ride). Marnie has barely announced that their next project will be re-animating a human when Eric bursts in the door. "Oh, sh*t," says Lafayette. Eric commands the coven to disband, but Marnie's not having it -- Eric quickly loses his patience and bites her. The next few moments are a blur: The group is chanting to the same spirits who brought back the dead bird, Tara grabs a stake to throw at Eric, Eric drops Marnie and lunges for Tara, Lafayette joins hands and starts chanting, and then the "sh*t" really hits the fan. Everything goes dark and Marnie, possessed by some entity, shouts an ancient-sounding curse at Eric, whose fangs retract and eyes widen. He leaves.
The next time we see Eric, Sookie is driving home from Fangtasia (having given up on finding Eric there) and he's walking along the side of the road in a shirtless (!) daze. Sookie calls to him, but he doesn't recognize her -- something is different; he's like a lost child. Then a breeze blows and Eric seems to wake up: "Why do you smell so good?" he asks Sookie. Ooooh.
What was your favorite part of this week's episode?
Image via HBO