When you think of Gwyneth Paltrow, what comes to mind? Pretentious? Snooty? Fancy? Goopy? Whatever words pop into that noggin of yours when you think of the tow-headed actress, prepare to make way for three new ones: Smokin' hot babe.
In the latest issue of Vanity Fair, the Glee star/cheftress stripped down to nothin' but a pair of fishnets and a coquettish look of ennui, and hot damn does she look good.
However, don't think she's enjoying her perfect body and lovely face, though. Because, she's, like, totally stressed out.
In her latest issue of Goop, Gwyneth laments over the fact that, despite her being good at everything in life, she's useless when it comes to combating stress. Okay, she didn't use those exact words, but she talks about the importance of breathing and how water is our spiritual mother. And for this we should thank her. Because if it weren't for her helpful reminder, we probably all would forget to intake oxygen and need to be resuscitated every five minutes. Namaste.
Joking aside, I know a lot of you get offended at the fun The Stir likes to have with, okay at, Gwyneth. And while I can't speak for anyone else, I can say that I actually do like the actress. I think she's intelligent, lovely, and seems like a fun person to split a bottle of Prosecco with. I just think she lives on another planet.
The fact that Gwyneth's latest newsletter is about stress is laughable. I'm not saying she never experiences the feeling, everybody does, but if I were to compile a list of 100 people I'd like stress managing advice from, Gwyneth would be 99, only beat out by Pippa Middleton.
These photos of Gwyneth's perfectly toned arms and stomach that looks like it hasn't had as much of a drop of water in days prove that she doesn't have stress like the rest of the world. Anybody who can afford to put in that much time (and money) into their appearance just doesn't relate to "regular people" like you and me. If I make it to the gym three days a week at 45 minutes a pop, it's a huge victory for me. And I don't even have kids yet.
And who is she giving this advice to? One of her experts suggests "immersing our entire body in water, preferably in natural flowing water such as a stream, ocean, or river." Unless you live extremely close to a beach, who has time for this kind of crap? I mean, it sounds lovely, but the quickest and easiest de-stresser I have access to is Astor Wines and Spirits. See, our twains shall never meet.
I will say I do applaud Gwyneth's perseverance, though. I don't think it's untrue to say she's not the most well-liked person in Hollywood. It seems like she's constantly dealing with "haters" -- and not just from this site. So, maybe that's why she's so stressed out. But don't worry because I'm sure she has access to a body of natural flowing water.
What do you think of Gwyneth's Vanity Fair photos? What about her "stress" comments?
Image via Splash