Lindsay Lohan Should’ve Been Sentenced to Life in Idaho

Lindsay Mannering

lindsay lohan
Lindsay Lohan enters the L.A. courtroom.
Lindsay Lohan
wins again. She always does. The luckiest non-working actress in Hollywood appeared at an L.A. court this morning to face allegations that she broke her parole by testing positive for alcohol use earlier this month. We all know Lindsay was under house arrest, but that didn't stop the 24-year-old actress from partying ... or filming super awkward and desperate ads for second-rate websites. A judge ruled today that Lohan did not, in fact, break her parole, and will be allowed to complete her sentence under house arrest and doesn't need to go to the slammer.

Although Lindsay was partying, and there's cold hard evidence of it, the judge found the positive test to be irrelevant since Lindsay technically wasn't allowed to be tested for controlled substances after Feb 25.

Lindsay isn't being punished enough. She needs a combination of Idaho, Jane Fonda, and Mormonism to straighten her out.

I mean, it worked for her character in Georgia Rule, why wouldn't it work in real life? I strongly believe that if Lohan was sent to live with a strict grandmother in Idaho, she'd straighten out a bit. She'd hang out with some pious Mormon kids, row boats on a lake, sure, flash her undies, sure, maybe get a little sexually inappropriate, but after a few months maybe some sense would be knocked into her.

The probation report recommended that Lohan be sent to prison since she clearly has no intention of reforming her partying ways, but unforch the criminal justice system loses again to a technicality that keeps Lohan on the streets. The judge did, however, rule that Linds isn't allowed to have more than one guest over at a time, which means that the parties will be more personal, and more intense, when Lindsay and only one friend go to town on a bottle of Jack and a pound of cocaine.

OH! And they can't test her anymore, ever, for drug or alcohol use. That ruling is straight-up expired. Is Lindsay not the luckiest, or is Lindsay not the luckiest?

I guess I won't hold my breath for that life in Idaho sentence, but weirder things have happened.

What do you think Lindsay's punishment should be?

Photo via Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

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