Gwyneth Paltrow—she's just like Us! Except richer, thinner, more refined, and really, well, not at all like you unwashed hordes whatsoever. God, do you even have a fishmonger? I didn't think so.
I know I routinely give Gwynnie a hard time for her lifestyle-maven ways, but oh my god, she just makes it so easy. From her laughably "relatable" working-mom confessions (don't you hate it when you get B.O. from your stylist fittings?) to the latest insight into her personality, Paltrow has become a great source of entertainment lately—and not really for her star quality.
Now that she has a Twitter account, we can finally see what she's up to on a daily basis. Like pimping her cookbook. Or describing her lunch ("Wasabi prawns w mango and thai basil seeds"). Or ... admitting that her kids are addicted to video games?
Yes, really. The woman who has it all apparently can't get her kids to stop playing Wii.
Okay, I have to reluctantly admit I maybe like her a tiny bit more after this. Although my answer to her rhetorical, look-at-me-I'm-just-a-regular-mum! question might be, duh, you have your nanny tell them gaming time's up because it's time for their lemon flaxseed oil. OBVS.
Now that we know she secretly lets her kids rot in front of video games, what else might she reveal via Twitter? We already know that despite her outward appearance of being wealthy, she tragically cannot afford pants. And although she seems squeaky-clean, clearly the police are interested in something about her—is that gourmet paella hiding a brick of heroin, Gwyneth?
Here's what I suspect we'll see coming across Paltrow's Twitter stream in the coming days:
Sordid personal hygiene secrets. It turns out that sometimes? She totally just washes her face with, like, face soap. Instead of imported alpaca placenta.
Embarrassing fitness confessions. When her trainer Tracy Anderson isn't looking, sometimes Gwynnie only works out for an hour instead of an hour and a half. Shhhhhhh!
More cuss words. Because one time her publicist told her it helped people identify with her.
A cry for help. OMG, how the f do I get these kids to stop bitching about their lemon flaxseed oil? Should I try a suppository?
Drunken midnight ramblings. After a glass or two of a good red, Gwyneth breaks down and admits to the world that she thinks country music is for poor people.
What do you think, is Gwyneth Paltrow chronically misunderstood, or do you routinely find her as obnoxious as I do?
Image via Flickr/WEBN-TV