'Spinster Spell' Cast on Snooki Is Already Working

Nicole Fabian-Weber
1

snookiSomewhere in a small corner of Florence, Italy resides a woman that the world over needs to send flowers to. This woman cast a spell on Jersey Shore's Snooki. Deemed a "spinster spell" by some (a plain, old "sinister spell" by others), the pistachio eating reality star is in store for one hell of a surprise .. at some point in her life.

Her intentions, like usual, weren't ill. Snooki was just trying to drum up some business for the local pizza shop where she and her castmates "work." So she got up, put on a haute couture tight-fitting top, short skirt, and furry boots, and went around yelling in Italian people's faces with a megaphone. And one magical old lady didn't like that.

Of course I don't want anything bad happening to Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, but it may not be the worst thing in the world if the little meatball that could doesn't procreate. Do we really need another fake-tanned, pickle-eating, trucker hat-clad gal sending cops to the emergency room? The answer is no.

The scary/awesome thing is it looks like the spell may be working. When her boyfriend Jionni LaValle went to visit Snooki in Florence, apparently the two spent the entire time fighting. He allegedly went home early and the two broke up. Coincidence? I think not.

I think if this woman did put a spinster spell on Snooki, it won't just be good for the world, it will be good for Snooki. After all, she has spent a hefty portion of her youth drinking to excess, getting arrested, wearing inappropriate clothing, having sex with all sorts of random people, and making the world just a little bit dumber. A few years of pensive alone time could set her straight. She will come out a better person. Trust me.

On the other hand, maybe it will have the opposite effect. Maybe if Snooki never settles down she will be fist-pumping her way into our TVs and our lives well into our old age. She seems to be a cash cow for MTV. They're going to milk that cow 'til it's dry. Who knows when that'll be?!

And I'm sure MTV has already had the idea for a Snooki/Situation: The Golden Years spin-off. 'Cause everybody knows he's going to be a spinster, too.

What do you think of Snooki's spinster spell? Believe it? Think it's bogus?

 

Image via MTV

Read More