Charlie Sheen on How Not to Win an Emmy

Linda Sharps

Charlie Sheen has been nominated for an Emmy on four different occasions for his role on Two and a Half Men, but this year he definitely won't be #winning. It seems the competition for lead comedy actor must carry on without him, as his name is conspicuously missing from the Emmy ballot list posted on the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences website.

What could have possibly kept Charlie Sheen from throwing his name in the hat this year? Is it a Hollywood smear job? Can Chuck Lorre -- a famously accused "low rent, nut-less sociopath"
-- be to blame?

Apparently the key to losing an Emmy nod is fairly simple, as long as you're Charlie Sheen. Behold, three easy steps to making sure your acting career continues to slide off the rails as you pretend you don't care about industry recognition:

Step One: Blow Off the Submission Deadline. While the other performers on Two and a Half Men submitted on time, Sheen let the April 29 deadline slide by, presumably while furiously brainstorming new t-shirt slogans ("Hmm, 'Tiger Vatican Bi-Duh Armless Trolls?' Gold." *rolls over, snorts towering mountain of cocaine*)

Step Two: Blow Off the Extended Submission Deadline. A TV Academy rep says Sheen's rep came forward on May 3 to plea that Sheen be included with the Men performers who already entered, and in some bizarre loophole referencing a "spirit of intent," the Academy gave him an extra month to get his shit together. The absolute final deadline was May 25, which Sheen ignored, since he was busy sexing up some haggard porn star who forces herself to unzip his pants on an hourly basis by imagining the sales from her future tell-all memoir.

Step Three: LOSING. There's no appeals process, so even if Sheen would have been in the running for an Emmy (doubtful?), he's screwed now. Hopefully Jon Cryer gets the win. I have no idea if he's even funny on the show, but it just seems like it would be poetic justice, doesn't it?

Do you think Charlie Sheen had any chance of scoring an Emmy if he'd actually submitted his name?


Image via Flickr/justaufo

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