'Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: Melissa Gorga Is Totally Full of It

Nicole Fabian-Weber

melissa gorgaI honestly can't even take the time to eloquently weave this somewhere in the latter half of this post, I need to get it off my chest now: What in the hell were Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga wearing to Thanksgiving dinner? If you saw the episode, I mean, right? If you didn't, Melissa was cooking in a mink apron (off the shoulder, 5-7-9-looking, leopard number underneath); and Teresa was wearing a backless, sequined top that looked like it was found at the bottom of J-Woww's still-unpacked Jersey Shore season 2 suitcase. There, I said it. Now on to the other fun stuff ...

Teresa and husband Joe (it's really a pain writing about Joe Giudice and Joe Gorga; I can't even write "Joe G.") went to a turkey farm to "meet what they were going to eat" on Thanksgiving. However, after seeing some poor Tom scooped up by an overall-clad man, Teresa put the kibosh on it. And thank God because I wouldn't be writing about it if it happened, as I had my shirt pulled up over my eyes the entire time as I yelled, "Are they seriously going to do this?" to my husband, who was half-paying attention. I cannot watch that kind of stuff (I had nightmares for a week after accidentally seeing a nanosecond of the pig killing scene of Miami). Teresa did buy an already-killed turkey, and the editors of Bravo tried to make something out of nothing when they spent a solid minute and a half on Teresa and Joe trying to decide whether they should charge or pay cash for the turkey. And they close-captioned it.

There were obligatory snippets of Albie and Chris at their new apartment in Hoboken and Kathy Wakile -- who I've decided I'm not a fan of, more on that to come -- baking for Melissa's dinner. The rest of the show centered around the preparing and celebrating of two Thanksgivings: Teresa's, where Caroline, Jacqueline, et al. were; and Joe's, where Kathy and Melissa's cackling sisters were. You should know Joe's also featured a mechanical bull that he and Melissa rode together in the most awkward and disgusting and totally inappropriate way.

To be honest, for a show that started out so amazingly explosive, I'm growing a little tired of the Teresa/Joe/Melissa conflict. Last week ended with Teresa dropping a note off at Joe's house, and this week ended with him finally deciding he was going to call her. Drag out, much?

What all this dragging has done, though, is make me realize I really dislike Melissa and Kathy. Melissa is a walking contradiction. She sat through the entire dinner talking smack about Teresa, then suddenly was all, "If you don't talk to your sister, I'm going to" to Joe. It's like sometimes she forgets the cameras are there, then when she remembers, she tries to act as though they weren't recording. As for Kathy, well, I think she turns it on for the cameras, too. While Joe was talking about Teresa at the dinner table -- and how they used to be so close -- Kathy let it be known that she was "crying," wiping her eye with her cloth napkin, etc. Um, weren't you just calling Teresa a bad mother last week? Don't front.

The most telling -- and interesting -- part of the episode came at the end, though, when Teresa busted out a card Melissa gave her last year for her housewarming. It read, "Congratulations on the redoing of your house." Holy cat claws! I think that the party Teresa had for her housewarming was one of the most ridiculous, ostentatious things known to man, but holy s**t, that's passive aggressive. It's not like Teresa slapped a new coat of paint on her living room walls; her house was gutted from top to bottom. It actually made me think that somehow, in her devious little way, Melissa is the one responsible for the riff between Teresa and her brother, not Joe Giudice.

All in all, it was kind of a drag-on episode. We get it, Teresa and Joe don't get along. Move on to something else -- like a reconciliation between the two, or a cat fight between her and Melissa. After all, this isn't The Real Brothers of New Jersey. Although how much would Joe Gorga love that?

Do you think Melissa is passive-aggressive and kind of devious? And be honest, what did you think of those outfits?!


Image via Bravo

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