5 Scary Things Kim Zolciak Will Teach Her Son About Women

Julie Ryan Evans
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Kim ZolciakKim Zolciak, star of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, has given birth once again. This time, it's a boy for the "Tardy for the Party" singer. Little Kroy Jagger Biermann (named after his daddy and Kim's fiance, Kroy Biermann) joins Kim's other spawn children Brielle, 13, and Ariana, 9, from a previous relationship. 

The couple is thrilled, and apparently any smoking she did while pregnant didn't affect the baby's health as mom and baby are both reportedly doing well. Zolciak tweeted Tuesday: ”@biermann71 and I are happy to announce the birth of our son today Kroy Jagger Biermann is healthy & beautiful." 

Good for them, really, it's just ... that poor boy.

Zolciak, who claims to be 32, isn't your typical mother and isn't up for any mother of the year awards -- at least any ones we know about. It's not that she's abusive or unloving; she just has a such a skewed sense of the "real" world, it's a teeny bit worrisome about the kind of view young Kroy will get of what women are like. Here are five lessons Kim Zolciak is likely to teach her son about women:

Women should wear as little clothing as possible no matter how old they are (32, my a$$!). Short skirts, shirts cut down to there, the sluttier the look, the better. If nipples pop out here and there, no problem. I'm confident this will come back to bite her some day when she sees the women little Kroy brings home.

Chain smoking is classy. In the house, around the children, when pregnant with children, no worries. Real women always have a beguiling butt hanging from their lips.

Pregnant women are freakin' crazy. How else is she going to explain her AWFUL nude pregnancy portraits?

It's not gold digging, people are just jealous. It's fine if a woman wants nothing more from you than your money (even if you're married). She may even give you a cute nickname like, let's see ... Big Papa.

Being Tardy for the Party is one of the worst mistakes a girl can make -- beware of those dawdlers. Once a girl gets there -- or anywhere really -- she should chug-a-lug no matter if it's morning, noon, or night.

What other lessons do you think Kim Zolciak will teach her son?


Image via burningkarma/Flickr

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