'Real Housewives of New Jersey' Recap: Caroline Sees Through Kathy

Nicole Fabian-Weber
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caroline manzoDespite all the (inevitable) drama between Teresa Giudice and Joe Gorga, the biggest shock of tonight's episode came from none other than un-drama mama Caroline Manzo -- and the fact that she didn't shed a solitary tear while moving Albie and Christopher into their totally classy Hoboken apartment. "Class" brought to you by "cool" Aunt Jacqueline, who bestowed upon the boys a stripper pole as a housewarming gift. It should go perfectly next to any lava lamps and Bob Marley posters they decorate with. 

Caroline's intense meeting with Kathy Wakile was another story, though. Kathy, who showed up at the HBIC's house with a giant cornucopia, was there for one reason: to make peace to kiss Caroline's ass. You know Caroline wasn't having it, though. The moment Kathy kind of/totally started talking smack about Teresa, Caroline shut her down. And rightfully so. You wouldn't walk into Vicki Gunvalson's house and start bad-mouthing Tamra Barney. You go to Gretchen Rossi's to do that.

What does Kathy know, though? She's new to this whole Housewives game. How is she supposed to know that instead of going to essentially a complete stranger's house to talk about your family, you're supposed to go to your actual family to talk it out? And what does she care either -- her husband Rich bought her a Mercedes (and a bouquet of flowers that she shoved back at him) because her meeting with Caroline didn't go well. I bet Kathy is a totally well-adjusted woman, who is completely equipped to deal with any problem life may throw at her. Women's lib!

As for Jacqueline Laurita, well, she did two futile things this episode: Saw a psychic who worked at a place called "The Craft," and tried to help Teresa write a reconciliatory letter to her brother, Joe. I don't say her trip to the psychic was futile because psychics are silly and aren't totally dead-on when they say things like, "I feel like you have some sort of blockage in your life." I say futile because the psychic basically gave Jacqueline a reading on Teresa. The entire session was, "Teresa needs to communicate with someone," "Teresa has some blockage in her life," blah blah blah. Why would this sorcerer tell this to Jacqueline, who obviously paid a pretty penny to gain insight on her life? As far as her letter writing campaign with Teresa, well, she may as well not have even been there to help. Any insight Jacqueline offered Teresa was met with statements like, "You're not in my situation. You don't know how this is," and "God is forgiving and so am I. If there were more people in the world like me, it would be a better place." Eventually Jacqueline just gave up and laid on the couch.

Then there was everybody's favorite new housewife, Joe Gorga (who, P.S., I'm starting to think is really in love with his sister -- and she with him; how else do you explain such intense hatred of each other's spouses? Mmm-hmm. Marinate on that for a spell.) When he wasn't not talking to wife, Melissa/chasing her around the house for not having sex with him in five days -- which, I don't know how she did that -- he was offering insightful info about the Gorga family. Thanks to him, we now know that the Gorgas are "known for their sex drives. [His] father was a very sexual man." Thanks, Joe. I am so glad that I am moving forward in life with that nugget of knowledge. I feel whole.

The episode ends vaguely with Joe and Melissa returning home to find the letter Teresa left him. Melissa reads the letter aloud to Joe because he is illiterate, then the audience can hear what it says he doesn't want to read it himself. (The letter was one of those totally generic, boring, sort of apology/sort of not ones.) When Melissa's finished reading, Joe says the only way he's willing to take Teresa back is if she is her old "Gorga" self (further proof?).

And now we wait, with baited breath, to see what happens next.

What did you think of this week's episode?

 

Image via Bravo

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