I'm as opinionated about what I sleep on (and with) as the next person -- shopping for a mattress is right up there with a pan flute concert -- but it's never inspired me to write a song. Not the case for Rihanna, who released the new music video for her song "California King Bed" Monday, marking the first time (that we know of) homage has been paid to a specific mattress size.
In the song, the California King bed is -- dust off those ninth-grade English skills -- a metaphor for the growing distance between a once-hot-for-each-other couple played by a Little Mermaid-haired Rihanna and a hunky bald-by-choice beau, who seem to have discovered said distance in one of those ridiculous homes featured in Dwell.
The song doesn't seem to be autobiographical, at least for the moment, as the pop singer told Rolling Stone in the magazine's April issue that she "isn't even sexting" right now when asked about her love life.
"So how come when I reach out my finger," Rihanna sings from a bed that could sleep a family of four, "it feels like more distance between us ... in this California King bed."
I know, it's deep.
But, technically, not at all accurate. See, a California King is only longer than a traditional King, and actually less wide, which wouldn't mean more space between the couple. Unless they were sleeping on it the wrong way.
But I digress.
Product placement in movies and television shows is as commonplace now as a masturbation joke in a Judd Apatow movie, but including one in a song title? Now that's love. I know, I know, technically California King is a type of mattress, not a brand, but I'm taking Rihanna's lead and giving myself a little creative license.
So without further adieu, here are my top five ditties that unabashedly offer up a little free advertising:
1. "Bartles and James" by Band of Horses: One of my favorite bands of the moment plus memories of sneaking strawberry wine coolers equals the perfect summer porch song.
2. "Apple Bottom Jeans" by Flo Rida: Technically this song is called "Low," but it still managed to boost (no pun intended) sales of the booty-touting denim brand -- and remind me how cool/hilarious Tom Cruise can be when he's not riding a motorcycle with Cameron Diaz on the back.
3. "Air Force Ones" by Nelly: We've all seen (and hopefully bought) that pair of shoes that made us want to spout poetry, so Nelly's ode to his white high tops tugs at my shoeheartstrings.
4. "Mercedes Benz" by Janis Joplin: The throaty '60s singer asks the Lord for a fancy car and suddenly I'm searching for vintage 450SL convertibles on eBay.
5. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana: Is it about a defunct deodorant brand? Or being pubescent in the '90s? They kind of go hand in hand, which is why this song is kind of awesome. Well, that and the anarchist cheerleaders.
What's your favorite song title boasting a little product placement?
Image via Vevo