Charlie Sheen 'MaSheen' App Is For Losers

Emily Abbate

charlie sheen mobile appWatching Charlie Sheen is like watching a trainwreck. Okay, so I haven't seen him on tour yet (and I don't plan on it), but the reviews make it pretty apparent that it's not worth our time. However, if for some reason you can't get enough of his quick-wit stupidity, now there's an app for that. The latest brainchild of the former Two and a Half Men star is "The MaSheen," an iPhone app that features a fortune teller and 17 short videos.

Wait ... I'm confused. Is this like a magic 8 ball? Are users supposed to pay $2.99 to get "advice" from the Sheenster himself?

Rated 12+ for "infrequent/mild profanity or crude humor, infrequent/mild alcohol, tobacco, or drug use references [and] infrequent/mild mature/suggestive themes," the app allows users to ask the "Magik Tiger" (AKA Charles) a question, then shake the device, and BAM -- get an answer. Don't have an iPhone? Don't worry, friends, there's a Android version in the works as well.

I can see it now, high school and college students everywhere spending their parent's money to ask Sheen a few of life's most important questions:

User: Should I go to my class today?

The MaSheen: Can't is the cancer of happen.

User: Is drinking vodka smarter than drinking beer? 

The MaSheen: As long as you have tiger blood, there is no wrong answer.

User: My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. Should I give him another chance?!

The MaSheen: The answer is unclear.

User: Is picking a career path that has nothing to do with my interests a silly idea? Becoming a professional sky diver just seems so cool!

The MaSheen: Gnarly gnarlington. Go for it!

I get it. The man's "unemployed" and he's looking for as many avenues as possible to work this whole I'm-a-boss-and-still-have-custody-of-my-kids-and-sleep-with-goddesses persona. I, however, don't see Sheen as "the boss" type. I see him as a loser. A 45-year-old low-life who is now infecting the very being of cell phones around the country. It's great that he's gotten over his addiction. I hope he stays drug-free. But if you ask me, downloading his app and fueling his fire is the total opposite of a winning maneuver.

Will you download "The MaSheen"?

Image via justaufo/ Flickr

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