Last night's results show on American Idol was so tame compared to last week. Paul McDonald was voted off and J. Lo didn't cry, Randy didn't get "mad," and Steven Tyler didn't even stir in the cozy sleeping bag he was sleeping in, wrapped like a moth in a cocoon, at the judges' table. There was no real emotion ... we were all like, eh, whateves. Oh and Kelly Clarkson was there, and apparently she sings country now, and apparently she's rivaling J. Lo for best booty in the house. Did you see that thing? Of course you did. How could you have missed it.
Anyway, the show was so very lackluster compared to the drama from last week that even Paul didn't know what to do with himself. He was all, "it's cool, be happy." And I was all, "noooo prob, Paulie." Trust me, it's pretty easy to be pleased that I won't have to suffer through one your "performances" ever again.
That was way harsh. But I don't want to take it back. I didn't like him! And we all have to be a judge this season since the three blind mice sitting on a bench looking stoned, pretty, and chubby have refused all season to help us decide what is real talent, what is karaoke talent, and what is lacking talent. So judge I WILL.
Paul is a smiley little man and good god if he isn't cute. Not personally my cup of tea, and apparently the girl tweens who vote 100 times a night didn't really see him as boyfriend-material either, but he was adorbs nonetheless. And he had a good attitude about being the first boy voted off all season. That was nice to see. But, I mean, his "Maggie May" swan song was about as easy to watch as your parents having sex, but somehow he still managed to get some applause at the end and a group hug from his fellow Idols.
I'm sure he'll put out a debut album in 2011, and I'm sure on the cover of said album, there will be a black and white photo of Paul, sitting alone at a bar with license plates on the wall, sipping a beer (local and artisan, natch), with his guitar propped up against his stool. It won't help though -- we've heard his album a thousand times over done by other recording artists who think it's their big break when their song runs on an episode of One Tree Hill or Gossip Girl. Paul will surely feel that rush when his agent tells him the good news, and he'll feel that inevitable crash when he realizes that no one really gives a shit what songs play on a CW series.
So good-bye, Paul "How Y'all Doin' Tonight" McDonald. May you have a safe and slow journey into obscurity, and may you Elaine-dance all the way home.
Are you sad to see Paul go?
Photo via americanidol.com