Say it isn't so. They can't be stopped. They're more powerful than President Obama! The Kardashians actually might make a movie! If you listen really closely, you can hear the sound of a thousand Hollywood screenwriters smashing their MacBook Pros. And a few putting in calls to their agents.
I mean, I can't say that it's all that surprising. The world has gone Kardashian Krazy in the last few years. First, there was Keeping Up With the Kardashians, then there was Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami, next came Kourtney and Kim Take New York, now there's Khloe and Lamar. Of course there's going to be a Kardashian movie! How can there not be a Kardashian movie! And, I hate to break it to everyone, but -- it's going to be epic.
Picture it: Two hours of unadulterated hair extensions and Christian Louboutin pumps. There will be special guest stars, like Paris Hilton (who totally thinks the movie should be about her), Kanye West, and Dame Judy Dench. What will the plot be? Funny you should ask.
My bet is it will be a murder mystery. Or, no, an erotic thriller! Or maybe a romantic comedy! Yes, a rom-com, it is! Kim will be down and out on love -- she'll have just broken up with a long-time beau by the name of Meggie Mush. Because she's so bummed out, she decides to shack up with Khloe and Lamar for a bit -- temporarily, just 'til she's back on her feet. The entire time Kim's living with them, Khloe and Lamar keep arguing. Khloe's always nagging Lamar about things like his dirty clothes on the floor, and how he drinks straight from the milk carton. Kim thinks Lamar's habits are funny, though, even a little cute. Then, one day, while Khloe's doing a shoot for PETA, Kim drops the big pile of books she's always carrying around, and she and Lamar bend down at the same time to pick them up. Their eyes meet, and, well, you'll just have to see the movie to find out what happens.
Kourtney and Scott will be the long-married, comic relief couple. Kourtney's always talking on the phone with Kim while Mason's splashing around in the bath, saying things like, "Look, I almost killed Scott in his sleep last night because he was snoring too loud -- of course marriage sucks! But we all gotta do it."
I should just stop here. I'm giving too many ideas away to potential writers. I think we can all agree, though -- a Kardashian movie has Oscar written all over it.
What do you think of a Kardashian movie?
Image via david_shankbone/Flickr