'American Idol' Recap: Elton John Called, He Wants His Music Back

American IdolThere was hope for American Idol last week, wasn't there folks. We got all excited about the Casey Save and Motown -- things were looking up. Then last night happened and reminded us what we had all thought from the beginning: that this is the worst season yet. At one point in the show, I turned to my roommate and insisted she stab me in the thigh with a fork, just to make sure I hadn't died and gone to Hell. Unfortunately, I hadn't.

Oh it was Elton John week. Oh we like Elton. And oh we like crazy stage get-ups. But oh my god it was a nightmare. I'm starting to be able to look back on last night's episode and laugh -- I couldn't see the humor while in the moment, but I can now. Wait, did someone put on a fake Jamaican accent and turn an Elton song into a reggae rap?! Did that really happen? Bahaha!! See? Funny.


Scotty was first and sang "Country Comfort." He sang to his grandma in the audience, gave her a shout-out, and told everyone he has two guitars, Scarlet and Stacey. He ended the song on his lowest note, and Steven Tyler pretty much switched teams at that moment. OK, Scotty did well. But he's starting to creep me out. I'm all, baby lock them doors and make sure he can't get in, because those leering looks and inhuman bass notes are starting to rub me the wrong way.

Naima sang "I'm Still Standing." I'm sorry, did I say "sang"? HAHAHA that's hilarious. She put on her best fake Jamaican accent, added a few extra shells to her hair, and wore a pinstripe suit with green, black, and red details. I would have voted her off based on her outfit alone. But then she opened her mouth (that was the point when I asked my roommate to stab me) and good gracious I think we all died a little inside. If she doesn't get voted off tonight, I'm taking the fork to my heart, mon.

Paul sang "Rocket Man" -- don't know if you heard him, though. He whispered the whole thing. His Nudie suit was 10 times louder than his voice. You know what? Just once I would like to hear Paul end a word with a consonant. Just once. He just trails off and doesn't finish the words and it irks me to no end. Or as Paul would say, ennnnn.

Pia sang "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" and she was perfect. The end. Ballad-shmallad, girl can sing whatever she wants. I do want to see some more personality from her, though.

Stefano sang "Tiny Dancer" and all I could think about the whole time was that Will & Grace joke by Jack in which he thinks the words are "hold me closer Tony Danza." I couldn't hear Stefano over my YouTube search for that specific Jack clip. Then I spent an hour watching Will & Grace reruns and thinking, dang, that show was awesome.

Lauren sang "Candle in the Wind" and I'll be darned if she didn't sound professional. I loved her country version, and I didn't hate her half-dress and straight hair.

James sang "Saturday's Alright for Fighting" and yawn, I'm over him. And when the piano caught on fire (there was an awkward delay there, like, he jumped off, paaaaause, wait, tick tock, FIRE!), I wasn't even phased. And I know I've said this before, but his George Michael cross earring has.got.to.go.

Thia sang "Daniel" and I literally fell asleep. Where am I! What happened! I'm up! I like her though, a lot. Yeah, I voted for her.

Casey sang "Your Song" and it was nice to hear his voice, not just his screams. Did you hear the one about Casey and Haley doing it? One, eew, two, was this song to her? I hope you don't mind, I hope you don't mind, that I put down in words, that I voted for Casey, too.

Jacob sang "Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word." Idk, too dramatic for me. I hated it. I'm all, I know you're not really crying, so cut it out, Jacob.

Haley sang "Ba ba ba Benny and the Jets" and whoa. She was good. Still too toothy for me and somewhat fake and unlikable, but the song rocked. Do you guys like her? I'm not sure why I don't, but I really don't. Kudos though to Haley, she sounded amaze.

Bottom four: Naima, Paul, Stefano, and Thia. Later, Naima and Stefano! Nice knowing you. Not.

What did you think of last night?

Photo via americanidol.com

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