Madonna. Prince. Oprah. Everyone knows who they are -- no need for a last name. Now Lindsay Lohan wants to add her name to the list. Stage-mom Dina explains that the troubled starlet is ready to drop the "Lohan" and be just "Lindsay."
As one of the hundreds of thousands of "Lindsays" on the planet, I'd like to be one of the first out there to say stop. So, STOP. Knock it off, Lohan. She has disgraced our fun and light-hearted 1980s name long enough -- and now she has the balls to want to make it all her own.
I shall not stand for it. I shall now exclusively refer to her as Ms. Lohan, daughter of Michael. She has been officially kicked out of the "Lindsay With an A" club.
Wait, Dina has something to say. Let's all close our eyes and listen to the infinite wisdom of this would-be Long Island housewife turned creepy Hollywood "insider." I'm sure she has something really brave and insightful to share with PopEater:
Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay. Plus, me and [younger daughter] Ali will be officially changing our last names back to my maiden name, Sullivan.
Oh, whoops! My bad. She had nothing important to say, yet managed to mangle the English language and talk about herself. So Dina has no explanation for Ms. Lohan, daughter of Michael's name change. Just that, like, she and Ali are tooootally doing it, too. Like, awesome!
Since Dina's doing us no favors, as usual, I can only assume the reasons for Ms. Lohan, daughter of Michael's name change, are as follows:
A) Ms. Lohan, daughter of Michael's name change, has an ego so big that she thinks starring in Mean Girls and Herbie Fully Loaded and partying and losing weight and being bisexual and feeling "exhausted" and stealing jewelry and wearing cocaine-laced shoes is enough to allow her to drop the "Lohan."
B) She wants to distance herself from her father. Listen, blaming him for all her problems is not going to help anything, and dropping the last name is not going to drop the problems.
C) There are absolutely no other reasons. Sorry! It's either her ego or her maladjustment that's making her drop the Lo from her Li.
So Ms. Lohan, daughter of Michael, good luck with the name change. Don't come crying back to our club when it all doesn't work out and you're made fun of to no end. You're dead to us -- might as well spell your name with that disgusting "e."
Why do you think Ms. Lohan, daughter of Michael, wants to change her name?
Photo via avrilllllla/Flickr