Renee Zellweger After Bradley Cooper: Doomed to Become Jennifer Aniston?

Nicole Fabian-Weber

It had to be a rough weekend for Renee Zellweger. First, she and her boyfriend of two years, Bradley Cooper, broke up. Next came the rumor that it was because she wanted a ring from him. Then, he went and had a number one movie at the box office on her. Ouch.

All in all, sounds like it should be bad times for Renee Z. Really dark, actually. Not a position I'd like to be in. But did she lock herself in a fancy-pants Hollywood hotel room with champagne and Xanax as far as the eye can see? Nope. Did she eat pints of ice cream while listening to cheesy love songs? Uh-uh. She's not really Bridget Jones, people! She did what any self-respecting Hollywood celeb would do: She partied it up in New York City and looked super hot doing it.

I know what you're thinking -- "Good for her. She should be out living it up." Well, yes, she should. But now? And like that? Does anyone else think this seems a little fake? I mean, the tight dress, the night out on the town. Is she really that okay? I may be in the minority here, but I think it kinda reeks of desperation.

Which brings me to my next question: What kind of "broken-up with actress" is Renee going to become? Will she be a Reese Witherspoon? You know, the kind that suddenly looks unbelievable, nabs an uber-hot new boyfriend, and wins an Oscar (again)? Will she be a Sandra Bullock? The type who adopts a baby and has America eating out of the palm of her hand all day, every day? Or will she be a Jennifer Aniston? The kind who seems perpetually cursed when it comes to relationships, and who will ultimately have to accept the fact that she is doomed to a companionless life of isolation?

I hate to say it, but after this behavior -- coupled with Renee's relationship track record -- I'm going to have to go with Jennifer. Sorry, Renee.

But, hey, being a Jennifer certainly has its perks! You can have a logic-defying body because you have all the time in the world to work out. You won't ever have to worry about your dumb significant other outperforming you at the box office. Oh, and you can hang out with your hairdresser as much as you'd like!

What kind of "broken up with actress" do you think Renee will be?


Image via david_shankbone/Flickr

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