In a completely predictable story arch, naked photos of Teen Mom star Amber Portwood have hit the web. Really, the only other option was a sex tape, and who knows? Maybe RadarOnline.com will be publishing that soon too.
The photos feature the 20-year-old in a number of provocative poses, while hanging out at a friend's house and apparently filling some downtime between knocking back fistfuls of Klonopin and beating the hell out of her babydaddy.
I checked out the images—which you can enjoy in their full, fleshy glory here—and I'm struck once again by the odd choice of documenting your nudity via cameraphone. I mean, seriously, these people don't have a decent SLR handy? Or even a point-and-shoot? I'm just saying, not only are phone images crappy looking, they're ON YOUR PHONE. One click and they're emailed to the highest bidder.
Which is to say, I don't for one minute buy her sob story that she's devastated by this tragic invasion of her privacy:
It makes me sad that anyone would do this, and I’m horrified that something so private is being shared publicly. It’s been a difficult year, and I just want to focus on what’s important in my life -- my daughter. (…) Those pics were taken for personal reasons. I didn't send them to anyone. I didn't take them for sexual reasons. This is embarrassing enough. It's just weird. The person who did this is fucked.
Whatever, lady. The thing you should be focused on is that awful tattoo on your hip, because if that's really supposed to be your daughter, I think you've got a viable lawsuit against the drunken paraplegic who inked it.
Nude photos and/or sex tapes are just part of the reality star character development. Hey, it worked for Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, and countless others—what do you want to bet Amber has her own show within the year?
Image via YouTube