Playboy Mansion Party Investigated After Freaky Disease Outbreak: Has Anyone Checked for Zombies?

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Take the Playboy Mansion's Grotto (a warm, wet environment where bacteria are known to flourish), throw in a bunch of middle-aged conference attendees and pneumatically-enhanced Bunnies, add liberal amounts of alcohol, mix, and what do you get?

The zombie apocalypse, that's what. When the undead take over the earth, don't come crying to ME about how the disease vector epicenter got started, because I'm telling you right now, it'll be the result of whatever unholy human-soup is happening in Hef's hot tub.

Don't believe me? Well, the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health is saying that around 200 mansion partygoers have become sick with flu-like symptoms. At least four were diagnosed with "a mild form of Legionnaire's disease," a type of pneumonia characterized by fever and aches.

Um, hello, I HOPE THEY HAVE CHECKED EVERYONE'S PULSE SINCE THEN.

The health department has created a survey to help figure out the cause of the illness, asking if people spent time around two party-centric "water features" on the property: the grotto/pool, or fog machine near the dance floor.

Missing from the survey is the first question *I* would ask: DID ANY PARTY ACTIVITIES INCLUDE BITING AND/OR GNAWING?

A statement has been released by the health department that is clearly designed to downplay the probability of a horrific worldwide epidemic resulting in the uprising of human corpses:

At this time, Public Health has not determined that the source of exposure is limited to a specific location. The department is working to conclusively identify the source of exposure and the likely cause of illness for this suspected outbreak.

Come on, people, wake up! Booze --> Boobs ---> Hot tub ---> Walking dead.

You heard it here first. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to check our ammo supplies.



Image via Flickr/Richard Winchell




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