Well Steven, Randy, and J. Lo, I hope you're happy with yourselves. You gave away double the amount of golden tickets this year, and we all paid for it last night during American Idol Hollywood week.
We had to sit on our couches and listen, no, re-listen, to all the idiots we've already heard. Instead of choosing to introduce us to new talent, to share with us new sob stories, Idol producers decided to recycle all the ones we've already seen into a compilation hour of utter boredom.
We had to relive the bullied pain of a redhead, the Tourettes of a mohawk dude who hasn't gotten the memo that guys wearing earrings is out, the crazy North Carolinian ("Hi, everybody!") 15-year-old girl with a dream, the dueling exes, the disabled fiance. They were all there. And they were all the same, and they were mostly under 18 years old.
Give me cancer now, God.
Last night was such a letdown that it's almost too painful to talk about. And J. Lo didn't even look good. Usually when things are bad, we can just gawk at J. Lo and drool over her beauty, but she stumbled into some bad lighting last night and looked like a raccoon with a hangover.
Let's talk about the one or two new, fresh, never-before-seen things that happened last night. One, Stormy Henley got the boot, and in one of the most honest things I've seen on the show, she admits that it was no surprise she was cut, that her voice wasn't strong enough. Yep, damn straight, Storms. She's hot ... so she has that going for her. But her story just brings up old anger regarding why she was let through ... gah! So annoying.
And then there was Nick from the most cringe-worthy couple, Nick and Jaqueline. Oh my, that was hard to watch when he was cut, but then begged and begged and begged for someone to tell him if he likes girls or boys a second chance. Oooof that was tough. You know Jaqueline was worried he was blowing it for her, and he kinda was. That guy needs to stand up straight and take the news with a little bit of dignity.
The judges thinned the wounded herd down to half its size, and next week we've got the group auditions to look forward to. It's great -- we'll get to see kids in PJ's rehearse in the bowels of a hotel, using hairbrushes as mics and thinking that they could actually be somebody. Hopefully next week we'll get to see some new faces.
What do you think of Hollywood week so far?
Photo via YouTube