The final stop on the American Idol audition train was last night in San Francisco -- tomorrow begins Hollywood week. Thank goodness for that; these auditions have been tiring and tiresome. Keeping with tradition, the Bay Area didn't bring any talent to the table, but the judges thought differently.
But the judges have thought differently all season, because I can safely estimate that there are about 20,000 contestants that made it through to Hollywood. Didn't you hear? You and I actually got golden tickets, too, just for watching.
Without the reality checks from Simon, things seem to have gotten out of hand. Not the least of which was baby-voiced, big-toothed Emily Anne Reed. I liked her better when she was named Megan Joy, had a sleeve tattoo, and played a role on Season 8.
Point being, Emily Anne is not original, not fun to watch (is it just me or do you automatically smell patchouli oil when she's on camera?), and not going to be the next American Idol.
"But her house burnt down!" you say. Yep, it sure did. Do you think someone left the incense burning, or that it just spontaneously combusted? And it sounds to me like she was living in a rented house that caught fire and she lost her clothes and hoola hoops. Sad, sure. Enough of an angle to gain our sympathy? No. Sorry, Emily, you're up against a guy who has Tourette's, Asperger's, a dead father, and a baby to feed. Your blue and yellow hippie house burning down has got nothing on that guy.
Anyway, Emily Anne has one of those voices that really irritates me. It's an affected impersonation of an old-fashioned record she once heard. It sucks. Worst of all, we've been down this road before with Megan Joy. Remember her on Season 8 when David Cook won?
Megan had the exact same singing voice as Emily. Why? Because they are, again, impersonating singers from the 1940s. There is nothing original. They pretend to have the accent of a New York City chimney sweep, and say "words" like "woids" and "birds" like "boids" and their favorite pizza place is on "toity toid and toid" (33rd and 3rd). I don't think I'm the only one that's driven to drink by their falsehoods.
At least Megan was gorgeous. Emily is ... not as pretty as Megan. So, she won't go as far. I'll be disappointed if Emily makes it out of Hollywood week.
Just to prove my point, here's Megan's audition from Season 8, and below is Emily's from last night. Same!
Did you actually like Emily? Why.
Photo via YouTube