Sorry Sir Paul, 'Glee' Love Songs Are Totally Creepy

Jeanne Sager

Glee Chris ColferAfter more than a month off, it was about time Glee showed us a little bit of love. Two episodes in one week did a lot to thaw this cranky Gleek's heart. But would it have hurt for them throw in a little tender love and care?

For an episode named for Paul McCartney and Wings' "Silly Love Songs" (looks like Sir Paul finally got his Gleek on after begging the producers for an in last summer!), tonight's was the most depressing ep. in Glee history. Worse than Mr. Schue and his wife breaking up. Worse than Quinn getting kicked out of her parents' house for being preggers. Leave it to Glee to make Valentine's Day kind of ... creepy?

First, my big beef with the episode. No Sue Sylvester. I kept watching and hoping, and my heart was shattered into a million little pieces. Also missing: my moment of zen, or as I like to call it, my moment of Brittany. Ms. Pierce was entirely too normal tonight.

But setting aside my two favorite second bananas for the evening, we finally got a look at Lauren Zizes, newest Glee Club member, Greco Roman wrestler, and Puck's new crush? Yes, McKinley High's sexiest man with a mohawk (OK, only man with a mohawk) has met the one girl who cut their Seven Minutes in Heaven date to three because she didn't think he had the right stuff. And he wants her.

So when Schue's Glee Club assignment is for the kids to break out into couples and sing love songs, Puck grabs his guitar and sings the zaftig Zizes a song that's supposed to make her run off to Breadsticks with him. Cue creepy love song #1: Queen's "Fat-Bottomed Girls." Sung to the token fat chick. Um. Ouch?

Says Zizes,"That was the first time anyone sang me a love song. And it made me feel like crap."

Which just gives Zizes another thing in common with Kurt, who she replaced on the Glee Club. His first gay friend Blaine is looking for advice on how to confess a crush to a guy he hasn't known very long, but who he really likes. Hmm, who could it be? I mean, he does know Kurt's coffee order without asking. And he does pay. I love a guy who pulls out his wallet.

But Blaine's called on the Warblers to help him sing a song off-campus and out of competition. Shock, awe, the chi chi boys choir hasn't done such a thing since they sang for Lucky Lindy back in the '20s, but of course they'll do it for Blaine. They'll even join him at The Gap where his crush Jeremiah (ooh, sorry Kurt) folds shirts! Cue creepy love song #2: "When I Get You Alone" by Robin Thicke. Funny, singing songs about taking someone off to ravage them doesn't go over well when sung to someone at work. Jeremiah gets canned, Blaine doesn't get his man.

But no worries, because Artie and Mike Chang are happy to report they represent two fringe sectors of high school -- the kid in the wheelchair and the tall, gangly Asian -- but they have hot girlfriends and solid relationships. And of course, they come together for creepy love song #3: "PYT (Pretty Young Thing)" by Michael Jackson. Sung to Tina and Brittany by Artie while Mike dances around him. I love the MJ -- it gives us a chance to see Mike's sick moves -- but this happens to be my least favorite Michael song ever. And when you take the history of Artie treating these two girls like crap, then have him sing that they're just "pretty young things," you officially hit my gag reflex. We get it, the kid in the wheelchair is trying to be more macho. But he doesn't have to be such an ass to the ladies. 

Which, by the way, cues creepy love song #4: "My Funny Valentine." Going out from Tina Cohen-Chang to Mike, it's not such a bad choice, until Tina crumples in a heap mid-ballad, proclaiming her undying love for her boyfriend. Co-dependent much? It's high school, girl! Buck up!

Heck, be like Rachel who is still in love with Finn, while ... and please try to keep up here, you may need to draw a love quadrilateral ... Finn has fallen back in love with Quinn, who is still not sure if she loves her boyfriend Sam. When Finn lands in the nurse's office after a prank pulled by Santana gives both him and Quinn mono (the kissing disease), Rachel has the sense of self to ask him point blank what he feels when he's with Quinn. And let's just cue creepy love song #5: "Firework" by Katy Perry. This wouldn't be such a bad choice either, really. If it weren't for the fact that Rachel is singing it to herself. Yes, Glee writers, we know she's self absorbed. But we don't always need it rubbed in our faces.

The whole thing ended with the sad sacks and the happy lovebirds alike singing Sir Paul's "Silly Love Songs" and making all nicey nice after depressing the hell out of us.

Not a bad episode, but I'm going to take my parting words from Lauren Zizes: "I look like America looks, and like America I need more than just a song to get my juices flowing."

What did you think, did Glee try too hard to win us back this week?


Image via Fox

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