I feel really bad for all of us who watched American Idol last night. It was so boring. It opened with a lame apology on behalf of Steven Tyler, which I figured was a joke, then we spent the next 59 minutes wondering why we were watching this show. Randy Jackson was in a foul mood (can't blame him) and J.Lo didn't impress me either. Why was she dressed for a 1950s kitchen appliance commercial?
But there was one person who stood out last night. I don't know about his singing, but his speaking voice is as golden as his sun-kissed highlights. His smile is whiter than Chicago in a blizzard, and his personality is brighter and bigger than bombs bursting in air. He's smooth, he's funny, he's self-deprecating. He's the busiest man in Hollywood, Ryan Seacrest.
Thank god for Seacrest last night!
I've been a fan of his since day ONE, 10 years ago. When he bounced across the screen bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I said to myself, "Self, who is this hilarious little man who can make me laugh with just a raise of his eyebrow? And who is his ugly side-kick -- he needs to go." Ever since that summer night in 2002, Seacrest and I have been on the same page and I'm pretty sure we could be besties.
Last night Seacrest was on fire. He made fun of himself for being a wuss when he interviewed the parents of hot Hot HOT cowboy John Wayne, then made fun of himself again after he picked up J.W.'s father, hurting his wrist on the dad's belt buckle.
When that girl who dances like a chicken started crying when meeting Seacrest, he acted super awkward (it had to be an intentional acting job, my Seacrest is never uncomfortable in any situation) and pretended to be baffled that she was crying over him. And that awesome love story played out to Lionel Richie's "Hello"? Had to be all Seacrest's idea.
I want more Seacrest. I want him on the panel. I want him to run for President. I want him in my living room.
Oh, and the talent last night? Boooooo. Hissss. The only person worth keeping an eye out for is Casey, that guy who auditioned last with the melodica. Everyone else sucked. That church couple with the girl in the wallpaper dress and the boyfriend who bawled? Sucked. Terrible. Hollie, the blond with the hives? Sucked. Cory, the boy who didn't meet his sister 'til he was 14? Fat and sucked. Janelle, from the country, was ... OK she wasn't bad. I liked her.
We're in L.A. tonight. All I ask is for more Seacrest and some kids who can sing. Is that too much? I don't think so.
How much do you love Seacrest? As much as I do? Not possible.
Photo via americanidol.com