'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills': Reunion Fun, Part 2

Wendi Aarons

real housewives beverly hills reunion

Tuesday night was the last time we'll see our fabulous new friends from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills for a while as it was the second part of their season-ending reunion special. Although after the fireworks that went off and the accusations that went down, I think Bravo should maybe rename these reunion specials the annual "Airing of the Grievances."

Because the ladies sure had a hell of a lot to get off their $10,000 chests. (Just kidding. I'm sure their boobs are all *cough* real.)

The evening picks up where it left off with Camille and Kyle hurling accusations at each other over Andy Cohen's little manscaped body. "What has Kyle done to your reputation?" Andy asks and Camille answers that people now think she's "delusional." "You hear things differently than what people really say," Kyle responds through her 10 pounds of lip gloss. Andy then asks the fragile Kim if her sister is a "bully," which, these days, is almost worse than calling someone a skanky ho trampy tramp. 

As the camera locks on Kim, she pauses for a veerrrrryyyy long time before stammering, "No, not normally," and then Camille immediately jumps in with "I've seen her bully YOU!" Boom! Point to Team Camille. The ex-Mrs. Fraser Crane then puts on her big girl pants and admirably admits to some mistakes and things she wishes she hadn't said (comparing herself to Jesus tops the list), but she also blames editing for making her look bad. This is actually interesting because she's one of the few housewives who acknowledges they're on a TV show. When they later discuss the awful dinner party at her house, she says the women were there for four hours with the cameras rolling and she feels like the producers "baited" them into arguing. Huh. I guess nobody told Camille that the first rule about being filmed for Bravo TV is that you don't talk about being filmed for Bravo TV.

Now let's move on to Lisa Vanderpump who finally explains what happened between her and man-leech Cedric the Permanent House Guest. In short, Cedric moved out (packing all of his things in Lisa's husband Ken's suitcases -- a nice, final FU), then they had a huge fight, he tried to get them to pay him off so he wouldn't talk to the tabloids, they discovered everything he'd told them about his past was a lie and they consequently filed a police report. Lisa is clearly shaken by all of this and claims she never once questioned his motives even though all of her friends did. (Kyle talks about how he once tried to get in a paparazzi photo with her niece Paris. If that's not desperation, I don't know what is.)

Andy then rolls tape of Cedric -- looking like an extra from "The Love Guru" -- and he claims that Lisa's ego was so big, he couldn't take it anymore and intimates that he's upset because they gave Giggy more attention than him. Aw, poor wittle Cedwic. If I got to stay in the Vanderpump mansion for free, they could kick me in the head every day and I'd say "Thank you sir, may I have another?" and go rest in my 4,000-square-foot cabana until it was time to give Giggy a pedicure.

Next the RHOBH men come out and, in Adrienne and Paul's only contribution to the entire night, Paul says that the key to a good marriage is speaking your mind immediately. I completely agree, which is why when my husband said, "Why are you still watching this asinine reality crap?" I screamed back, "YOU DO NOT TALK WHEN THE MALOOF IS TALKING!"

Andy then asks Russell about his shaky marriage to Taylor and he's actually stupid enough to ... blame it on the economy. Dumbass. Like the high unemployment rate is why you have the personality of a squid. Rod Steward doppelganger Ken Vanderpump then expresses his hatred of Cedric and finally, Lisa describes their sex life as "a couple of puffs and a big grunt." Oy. Let's let the men leave and go backstage to compare stock portfolios.

It's now Kim's moment in the spotlight and Andy is bound and determined to get her to admit that she's an alcoholic. He brings up the horrendous fight she and Kyle had at Taylor's party, and when they say they don't want to discuss it, he immediately rolls the tape and makes them watch it all over again. Careful, Andy. You're getting close to Povich territory here. At this point, the sisters are both sobbing and everyone's skirting the real issue by saying things like "issues need to be confronted," "there were other factors at play in her personality," etc.

Finally Andy can't take it anymore and bluntly says to Kim, "Do you have a drinking problem?" She and Kyle clutch hands and sob and she bravely looks him in the eye and states, "No, I don't want to talk about that night, but thank you." Good for you, Kim. And I hope you get things worked out. Seriously.

Alright, let's wrap this puppy up with the final topic of the night and that was Camille's infamous dinner party with the Psycho Psychic Allison Dubois -- she of the electronic ciggies and bitchy demeanor. (Or, as Lisa so aptly describes her, "a nasty piece of work looking for trouble." Which I'm considering putting on my business cards.) The ladies go back and forth over the behavior of Faye Resnick, how Kyle had naked pics of Camille on her Blackberry, who was being set up and who wasn't, whether or not porno is worse than tasteful pictorials in Playboy, and if Kyle and Camille can ever be friends again -- the usual nutjob arguments. However, Camille does say that when Alison said bad things about Kyle's marriage, she was actually picking up on Kelsey's infidelity. Really? Like that took psychic powers? The dude paraded his mistress all over NYC for six months.

Finally it's time for the ladies to do a champagne toast to end the season and get back to their not-so-normal lives. (Eager Beaver Andy, still trying to get Kim to admit to being an alcoholic, even desperately yells, "Champagne or sparkling cider -- the choice is yours!") The ladies say they regret nothing (except for Camille, who admits to some regrets), then they clink glasses and the season ends with Kyle shouting, "I feel like I've been shagged through a hedge backwards!"

And after this crazy season, I think we all do.


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