Charlie Sheen sees nothing wrong with having a porn star babysit his children, and frankly, neither do I. After all, we're talking about Kacey Jordan, who is experienced in celebrity childcare, having babysat for Kevin Federline after his split from Britney Spears.
(She's also rumored to have terminated a pregnancy with K-Fed, but that seems really unlikely. I mean, how could she have possibly known it was his?)
After Jordan confessed on Good Morning America that Sheen had told her he needed a girl he could "rely on" to watch his two daughters, Sheen's ex-wife Denise Richards posted on Twitter that "No 'adult film star' will be babysitting our kids!"
Denise, Denise, Denise. Just take a moment to think about the world of educational opportunities your children could be exposed to with an adult film star nanny! A porn-themed education has many valuable applications, such as:
Mathematics. If Jordan does three anal scenes at $2,000 each but has to pay $1,500 in medical bills, how much does that leave her with to pay for her coke habit? This is real life lesson planning, Denise.
Vocabulary. Help your children thrive by teaching them exotic phrases. ("Can you say pile driver? I knew you could!")
Marketing and Promotion. Children need to learn how to get ahead in life, and what better way to teach them than by example? And what better example than someone who at 22 has already made such a name for herself? After all, Jordan charged Charlie Sheen $30,000 to put his Two and a Half Men in her vagina. My god, she's practically Donald Trump.
Private school? More like privates school, Denise. Don't let your judgement be clouded by jealousy or whatever it is that's keeping you from pursuing this perfect setup for your family. Hire that porn star today!
Image via Splashnews.com