American Idol last night was freaking hilarious. It was LOL funny. I was sometimes laughing with contestants, sometimes laughing at them, but either way I had a fantastic time, and I think the judges did, too. Steven Tyler was high, J.Lo dressed for a sock-hop, and Randy Jackson punched a girl in the mouth. What merriment!
Not only was I laughing, but I was also applauding. The kid from Garner, North Carolina with the voice of God, the Asian girl who sang Adele, the accountant with a dream ... yes, yes, and yes. Finally! Some talent on this talent show.
It was a night of jolly quotables and adept performances. Let's dive in.
OK, first I have to get something off my chest. Did it freak you out that the camera angle was reversed for this episode? If you're looking at the TV, the judges are usually on our left, and last night they were on our right. It totally took me a while to get used to, and it kinda made me feel sick. It could've been the half-pound of carrot cake I had eaten, but I'm going to blame the nausea on Idol. Let me know if you noticed because I'm curious.
Anyway! The funny parts. Let's start with Steven Tyler. We can all agree that he toked during commercial breaks, right? Man looked like he was feeling pretty groovy. He called out the fat kid who wants to be a radio announcer: "Are those Tevas? Nice." Never have four words made me laugh so hard. Or when after the NC boy with the Trace Adkins voice sang, Steven goes: "Well hell fire save matches, fuck a duck, and see what happens!" Amazing.
And the contestants had some good lines, too. The Civil War reenactor, when talking about his dad, said, "No, he's not a hippie. Hippies believe in ... sex." Well how do you think you got here, son? And then there was delusional Vernica with the voice that could curdle milk, "No, seriously, is it because I'm not skinny like half the females up in here?" No Vernica, it's because you're a crazy, talentless liability.
Don't tell me you didn't die laughing when that guy, Tiwan I think, the guy in all white, came bursting out the doors with his golden ticket, ready to celebrate in a big way, and one of the women in his support-entourage gets a charlie horse. Priceless! "Oh my god, oh my god, I have a charlie horse!" And everyone is jumping and dancing all around her while she's doubled over in pain. Seacrest starts rubbing her calf ... you can't make this up.
Or when Randy Jackson punched that Molly Harvard in the mouth. I am so happy that was caught on camera. Sidenote: Why was Molly Harvard there by herself? That seemed odd, and depressing. She's a possible dark horse in this competition though; let's keep an eye on her.
Which brings me to the talent. I am so psyched to watch the boy with the Bieber haircut and the glasses, Scott Dangerfield, go far. You know, J.Lo's favorite who sang Amos Lee? Awesome and totally adorable. I didn't think Steven Tyler's superfan was that bad, so I'm happy to get a chance to see her again in Hollywood. And Jerome Bell. He sang Marvin Gaye and had me at "let's get it on." Yes, please.
And I don't think we can wrap up here without mentioning the swan song of the evening, Chris Medina, with the brain-damaged fiance. I was a mess -- crying into my carrot cake and texting everyone I love. And then when Steven Tyler whispered into the girl's ear, I was a total goner.
Off to Nashville for tomorrow tonight's episode. Keep it up, Idol, we're back on track!
Photo via AmericanIdol.com