'American Idol' Judges: A How-To Guide for J.Lo, Steven Tyler & That Other Guy

Lindsay Mannering
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J. Lo, american idolAmerican Idol Season 10 starts Wednesday night! Can you believe it? If you're anything like me, then I know you've waited many years to get back on the American Idol wagon. You, fellow A.I. fan, have a renewed interest in watching the show because if we're honest, the last few seasons have been lame (don't get me started on that wishy-washy Ellen fiasco) and the lack of talent has been astounding, if not embarrassing. Name the last three winners. Exactly. You can't. Because they were all boring. But Season 10, Season 10 holds promise. 

I don't want to say I'm hopeful, but ... I'm hopeful. There, I said it. 

Are J. Lo and Steven Tyler the answer to our prayers? They might be. I think this season could be the best one ever if the new judges follow these tips.

With drunk Paula Abdul sent to rehab (or that new dance show, same difference) and Ellen DeGeneres and Kara DioGuardi banished from any judging position ever again, Simon Fuller has finally called in the professionals. And by professionals I mean two people with actual bona fide music careers, who've sold out stadiums and are multi-platinum recording artists.

So, J. Lo, let's start with you:

  • We need someone to take Simon Cowell's spot, and you're our gal. You've got the talent, the experience, and the smile to deliver the good and, more importantly, the bad news. J. Lo, you can be nice about it, but we need you to tell the truth. Please.
  • Tell us what makes a great pop performance. Tell us how to dress and act the part of a pop-star. We know you started as a Fly Girl, and you're still Jenny from the block, so give us your tips!
  • Don't you dare give banal compliments, clap like a seal, and use the word "pitchy."

Now for Steven:

  • With over 30 years in the music industry and with 10-plus platinum records, you know how to sing a hit song. Share your insights!
  • You've performed in tiny Boston clubs and in the world's biggest stadiums -- give us some feedback on stage presence. And don't just say "add scarves."
  • And if you dare say "pitchy," I will stop watching. That is not a threat Steven, that's a promise. You're better than that.

Oh, and Randy? You can just take a chill pill, dawg. Hopefully the shining stars next to you will overpower your worthless commentary. (Harsh, but am I wrong?)

Are you excited for Season 10? What will make J. Lo and S. Ty great judges?

 

Image via Splash News


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