'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Recap: Big Changes!
Transformations and dramatic changes are nothing new to The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, a fact that's obvious to anyone who's ever seen a picture of what their noses looked like in high school; however, this week the ladies experience the type of changes that don't occur while you're whacked out on 10 cc's of morphine in a plastic surgeon's office. Yep, this week the Beverly Hills shit finally gets REAL, yo!
(Well, sort of. We're still talking about Beverly Hills, so it's not like anyone's going to be standing in line for government cheese any time soon. But I digress.)
The episode begins with a bit of disharmony as Kyle meets Lisa Vanderpump for lunch at the posh restaurant Villa Blanca. (Which Lisa actually owns, and not in the same way that I "own" the Chili's by the airport.) Lisa is excited to have her longtime friend all to herself because Kyle's been spending a lot of time with marital-problem Taylor recently. They chat a bit and then, quite shockingly, Lisa insinuates that Taylor was to blame for Camille's famous freak-out in NYC. Whoa -- Vanderpump Kitty's got claws! Kyle blows this off and then, right on cue, Taylor shows up wearing a weird sweater dress from the clearance rack at Justice for Girls, and she and Kyle hold hands and giggle. Very weird and creepy, so let's pretend it didn't happen and move on to Adrienne and Paul, who aren't weird and creepy at all.
Unfortunately, all they do this week is bicker and then discuss their bickering and then ask Mauricio's psychologist mother what she thinks about their bickering, so let's talk about Kim instead, who has a phone interview with Disney radio where she ... zzzzzzzzz.
Now on to Big Change #1! Lisa, Ken and Permanent House Guest Cedric travel to a winery in Santa Barbara to pick out a Pinot Noir and Ken says he wants Cedric to move out, like he does every week. Cedric isn't sure he's ready and expresses his (major) abandonment issues to Lisa, which of course makes her feel protective and prepared to keep him around until they're both using walkers and Giggy has a bedazzled colostomy bag. Yep. Cedric's ass ain't going nowhere, Kenny.
Now Big Change #2! Kyle's eldest daughter Farrah is graduating from college and Kyle is very emotional about it, which we know because that's what she tells the clerk at the diamond store. (They're the BEST listeners.) Kyle invites everyone to the graduation and party afterwards, but then becomes upset when her other sister, Kathy Hilton, and her family choose to go to Cannes instead. I don't know -- maybe it's forgivable because Paris, Nicky, and the rest of that brain trust don't actually know what "college" or "graduation" means. Anyway, they make up for it by sending a huge check and a weird, jungle plant to Farrah, then Kim stands up and gives an awkward speech that makes Kyle feel better. Kyle then presents Farrah with a diamond cocktail ring, which is just the perfect thing for a recent college grad to wear when she interviews for the Enterprise Rent-A-Car management trainee program in Encino.
That brings us to Big Change #3! And it's a doozy, my friends, a muthafokkin' doozy. See, apparently TV's Dr. Frasier Crane chose to end his 13 year marriage to Camille by calling her in the middle of the night and telling her on the phone. Nice! Then, once he destroyed her and her kids' world, he invited her to be his date to the Tony Awards. What a prince! I mean, say what you will about Camille (and believe me, I have), but that's just about the shittiest thing I've ever heard. Especially considering that we all KNOW he had a pregnant girlfriend at the time. Did he think it wouldn't get out?
"Baby, I hear the blues a callin' ... tossed salads and scrambled eggs ... and DOUCHEBAGS."
Anyway, Camille manages to keep a brave face for her kids and friends, then flies to NYC where Kelsey puts her up in a hotel suite instead of letting her in "their" apartment. She still thinks they have a chance at fixing things, and it's really hard to watch her saying, "I love you" and "13 years, babe" to him at their pre-Tonys party when we know he's already moved on to a toothy flight attendant. Seriously, I don't know what went down in their marriage, but for him to let Camille do all of that while the cameras were rolling is just repugnant. (But it'll probably help her in her quest to get $50 million from him, so there's that, I guess.)
And on that sad note, our time in Beverly Hills comes to an end. Some of the changes were positive, some of the changes were negative, but at least everyone looked good making them. And nobody's stuck eating government cheese in their mansion. Hooray!
Next week: The Cat Fightin' Finale!
- Yes, she didn't deserve to be treated like that. 50%
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