The second episode of Season 15 of The Bachelor has me seriously worrying about Brad's ability not only to assess women, but also to assess much of anything.
"Everyone seems so happy," he says just before the camera cuts to women squawking and fighting. "This is a no drama night," he promises before cat fights abound. If he is trying to convince us that his three years of intensive soul-searching therapy have made him hip to the ways of women, he isn't doing a great job.
Luckily, he has a bevy of sexy women who seem all too willing to school him in the ways of hot tubs, couple's massages, and 15-person dates that include multiple make-out sessions.
The first woman to get her talons on Brad is Michelle, which is fortuitous since the single mom of one is also "celebrating" her 30th birthday the same night as the massive group date featuring 15 women and one man.
Michelle says she would "like to think I am the kind of girl who knows what she's doing." This from the woman who spent the first 3/4 of the date whining about her wrinkles (Oh no! I am 30! Wah-wah!). Once she had Brad in her sights, she turned on the charm. And guess what? She got the rose! No need to feel old anymore. All is right in her the world.
One thing I have always hated about the Bachelor is how he always pushes the "this is so fun" agenda. "No drama!" Brad said last night. Dude, you are on a date with 15 women. How could there not be drama? The show is set up for drama! Also, does anyone else notice that Brad has a George W. Bush voice? It drips with that same Texas drawl and makes me think of eight years I'd rather forget.
But I digress.
Almost immediately after Brad's call to not do "drama," Melissa and Raichel got into a massive cat fight during which the 31-year-old Melissa told 29-year-old Raichel that she was "acting like a 21-year-old." No she didn't!
Oh yes, she went there. "I am 32 years old almost and you are acting like a child," sayeth Melissa. Yes, folks. The maturity card has been pulled. By a Bachelor contestant. Excellent.
But that was not all the drama, of course. Emily called her 5-year-old daughter, wept tear after tear over missing her (ya think?), and Jackie and Brad then had a one-on-one date that was (predictably) full of "surprises." And what is the biggest surprise EVER? The band Train!
Then Melissa pulled the ultimate "drama" when she told Brad about the fight with Raichel (while crying) and went on and on, pulling Brad right in the middle. Doesn't she know pulling the Bachelor in on this crap is the kiss of death on this show? And if it weren't? Telling him you have onion breath? Most certainly is! Ew.
Luckily, Ali and Roberto from The Bachelorette were on set to help Brad choose and gee! What a shock! The drama mamas went home. Brad can believe he is ridding himself of drama all he wants. But this is The Bachelor, baby.
Drama-free? I think not.
What did you think of this episode?
Image via ABC