The long wait is over, my friends. Finally you can whip out your credit card and make that purchase you've been looking forward to all year long. Yes, it's true -- Amy Fisher's new hardcore porn video is available.

Oh, I know. I can't wait either. I mean, her first film, Deep Inside Amy Fisher, was an absolute triumph. A cinematic masterpiece, if you will. It's hard to even remember the plot, so scintillating was the cinematography, so compelling were the characters . . . I think it's safe to say it involved sex, though.

Which is why the new title is so utterly perfect in every single way: Amy Fisher is Sex.

I can barely type that without shivering in anticipation at the visual joys it promises.

You remember Amy, right? The Long Island Lolita who shot Joey Buttafuoco's wife at the tender age of 17? Oh, it's just a miracle to see how far she's come. The things she's accomplished. The piledriver positions she's assumed.

I don't know about you, but I am inspired. To think of how this woman has transformed herself into such an amazing performing artist. Why, just look at how the porn studio describes this latest film:

As with Deep Inside Amy Fisher, the goal in Amy Fisher Is Sex is to show intimacy between the performers. Fisher tries to spend the day with her co-stars, which you can follow through her interviews during the movie, in order to build a relationship with them. This results in passionate scenes such as the one with returning star Tommy Gunn. Fisher and Gunn had such good chemistry together in Deep Inside Amy Fisher that he was called back for the second release.

That's called method acting, people. Oscar committee, I hope you're taking note.

In this movie Fisher has sex with Tommy Gunn, Evan Stone, Jack Lawrence, and Johnny Castle. They just sound like stars, don't they? What a coincidence they were born with such amazing names! I feel certain it was destiny.

Amy Fisher, we salute you as you embark on this exciting career. One teeny, tiny suggestion, though: You might want to hide Mommy's movies from your three young children. Someday, I am sure they will appreciate getting to know you from the inside out, but perhaps not quite yet.


Image via Wikipedia