It may have been Christmas here in the real world, but it was another holiday altogether in The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills world. That is, if nut-job arguments and strange dress up parties are considered a holiday. And in a town where people put diamond necklaces on their dogs and have four nannies, I'm pretty sure they are.
Now let's get this recap started so I can go freebase some leftover eggnog.
After last week's blow out at the dinner party, the show begins with all of the ladies recovering from the awful night. They just can't believe how Kyle and Camille don't get along. But luckily before they have any thoughts that might be too deep and cause them pain, Lisa Vanderpump throws a benefit luncheon/fashion show at her restaurant to distract everybody. Yay! We love fashion shows! Let's all stare at roaming models while we sip champagne and push around salad on our plates! This is fun!
But tragedy soon strikes when a tearful Kyle receives a text from Camille mid-luncheon telling her she and Kelsey will no longer be working with Kyle's realtor husband Mauricio. Yep, total bitch move on Camille's part, especially considering that the Grammers buy a new house a week. Kyle then goes out to lunch with Mauricio to tell him the bad news because that's exactly what you do when have a Bravo cameraman in your car. Luckily, he takes the news well and calls Camille "childish," but maybe he doesn't know she's a master of "The Art of War" as well as a "collector of lingerie."
Camille also calls Kyle "childish" when she has lunch with Adrienne, and Adrienne then makes a joke about putting them both in time-out. However, Camille doesn't get the joke because she has two hundred nannies and only communicates with her children via carrier pigeon and postcards. She then goes home to take a motorcycle ride with Handsome Nick who I'm starting to suspect is either a paid gigolo or an FBI operative sent to investigate collagen abuse in Malibu.
While all of this is going on, Taylor and Kim try to make nice by getting mani/pedis together because after the dinner last week, Kim realized that she "really shouldn't have said those things about Taylor's lips." I know what she's feeling because God knows a week doesn't go by that I don't insult one of my friend's lips and have to apologize before they slash my tires. Jeez. So sensitive.
But now let's just move on to the big to-do of the week and that's Taylor's "Roaring 20's" party that's filled with Roaring 40 year olds and a few well preserved 50 year olds. Fresh off her psycho "Mad Hatter" party that she threw for her daughter, Taylor has everybody dress up (except for No Muscles Russell who basically just puts on a fedora and thinks he's the shit) like flappers for a seemingly pointless party that I suspect was the idea of some Bravo TV producer. Lisa and gay house guest Cedric dress in drag to the delight of everyone, then Camille shows up in a pink flapper dress and hits on Kyle's gay "ladysitter." It's like Boardwalk Empire meets 90210. Eww.
But mid-party, to the huge relief of all, Kyle and Camille have some weird, earnest discussion complete with huge bug eyes and lip quivering, then they hug it out and do the Charleston. Sigh. All is well in Botox land.
At least for now.
Image via Bravo TV