'30 Rock' Recap: 15 Best Lines From the 'Christmas Attack Zone' Episode

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Elaine and AlanWith guest appearances by Elaine Stritch, Alan Alda, and Will Forte, this episode of 30 Rock was a true Druid Solstice Miracle! Liz’s plan to stay in town long enough to miss family drama is derailed by ... Jack Donaghy’s family drama. Tracy struggles to remain serious (and channels the classic film Sullivan’s Travels), and Jenna longs to reunite with her ex-boyfriend so she can engineer the perfect couple's costume. No spoiler, but it is the greatest couple's costume ever.

So let's unwrap the 15 funniest lines, shall we?

Liz:
My Aunt Linda is bringing her new boyfriend, who is neither her age nor her race, and her ex-husband will be there, too, with his date, alcoholism. I swoop in the next day for presents and pie.

Avery:
That’s why I like dating older men: Their parents are either dead or senile, so there’s never an argument about the holidays.

Liz:
I’ve been watching The Mentalist a lot lately because my TV is on CBS, and I’ve lost the remote.

Jack:
We Donaghys believe that when there is anything at all delicate to discuss, it is best to suppress it until it erupts into a fistfight at a church barbecue.

Colleen (Elaine Stritch):
I didn’t care much for the gazpacho soup. What’s the fun in sending it back because it’s not hot enough?

Jack and Avery’s Christmas Card:
Happy Holidays ...
Is what terrorists say. Merry Christmas from Avery and Jack.

Milton (Alan Alda):
This is going to be the best winters-light celebration ever! And Liz, happy whatever you celebrate, too!

Kenneth:
I certainly wasn’t going to pretend those trashcans are my parents.

Grizz:
All the big actors do charity on Christmas Eve. Russell Crowe is hosting a charity auction for the victims of his own mood swings.

Liz:
I once French-kissed a dog at a party to impress what turned out to be a very tall 12-year-old.

Colleen:
I see you brought the bag that my bastard grandson will come in.

Jack:
Don’t worry. I sent her to the East Wing. It’s very confusing; it was designed by M.C. Escher.

Tracy:
Ladies of the battered women’s shelter! Please be quiet, a man is talking!

Jenna:
Can I get you a cup of coffee or an absinthe enema?

Liz:
I should be home just in time to see Aunt Linda prove she’s sober by holding someone’s baby while cooking.


Image via NBC.com

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