During the holidays, the Scrooges emerge. The sole few who spite everything merry. The holiday haters who don't understand the purpose of Black Friday and are anticipating the lump of coal in their stocking; the meanies who could give a rat's a** about the fa-la-las.
And Christmas songs? Forgettaboutit. Scrooges want nothing to do with them. Especially the bad ones.
You know, horribly done songs that make the inner-Scrooge in all of us want to rip out our car stereo and chuck it across the freeway. Those that make one and all want to throw up the eggnog they just savored at the company Christmas party.
Here, the 10 Christmas songs that could annoy even the biggest holiday fan.
- "Dominick the Donkey" by Lou Monte
Why is there hee-ing and haw-ing at my Christmas Eve dinner? No thanks.
- "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy
Am I the only person who's sad that Grandma had a drinking problem? How can such an upbeat song be about the demise of your favorite Christmas cookie baker?
- "Christmas Don't Be Late" by The Chipmunks & David Seville
Combine the high frequency playback of those lovable chipmunks with the yelling of father-figure Dave Seville and you have a masterpiece trainwreck. But ... I do want a hula hoop.
- "Jingle Bells" by The Singing Dogs
If you're telling me that The Singing Dogs are actually making music with this one, I'd have to disagree. Sounds like a lot of annoying barking. Actually, it sounds like my neighbor's German Shepherd. Now, if Boo was singing, that would be another, too-cute-for-words story.
- "Just Another Christmas Song" by Stephen Colbert
Why couldn't everyone's favorite comedian just stick to what he knows? This song not only isn't funny -- it's downright painful to listen to.
- "Christmastime" by the Smashing Pumpkins
If your band is called the Smashing Pumpkins, I'm pretty sure you're not meant to be singing Christmas music. But that's just me.
- "8 days of Christmas" by Destiny’s Child
Take a look at this this music video to really understand exactly how bad this song is. Santa-style mini skirts and shopping at a convenient store don't exactly scream "season's greetings!"
- “Christmas Conga” by Cyndi Lauper
"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" will continue to be requested and enjoyed at little girls' sleepovers and karaoke nights across the U.S. for ages. With that said, her rendition of '80s Christmas music is just dreadful.
- "Santa's Beard" by The Beach Boys
Christmas means cold. Christmas means snow. The Beach Boys are "Surfin' USA." The two don't mix.
- "Do They Know It's Christmas" by Band Aid
The more important question: Did they know how awful they sounded? It's hard to rip on this 1980s charity super-group, and considering the song is the No. 1 biggest selling single in UK singles chart history -- I'll just leave it at that.
What's your least-favorite holiday song?
Photo via Lauren Manning/Flickr