Holiday shopping has kicked into high gear, and what better place to find gift ideas than an entertainment column? No need to spend your precious time trying to come up with thoughtful holiday presents for the people you love—I've got the ultimate gift list right here, you guys.

Assuming you're looking for random crap that's endorsed by celebrities, that is.

Beyonce Heat Perfume. You saw the ad, now smell like a pair of glistening breasts! Or "an alluring, feminine fragrance featuring rare sensual flowers created for the new modern woman exuding confidence, sexiness and energy." Whichever.

Jay-Z Skullcandy Headphones. Roc Nation Aviator headphones from Skullcandy are "Jay-Z approved", which means you could wear the Beyonce perfume and your husband could wear the headphones and you could sing "Crazy in Love" together then field a bunch of pregnancy rumors.

Kim Kardashian Cupcakes. Now your friends and family can enjoy . . . uh . . . okay, I don't even remotely understand this product endorsement but hey, Kim Kardashian-branded cupcake mix. (It tastes of plump buttock!)

David Lynch Organic Coffee. "Rich and lusciously full-bodied with nuances of dark chocolate, cardamom, and caramel, this powerhouse coffee is an ideal foundation for a first-rate cappuccino or caffe latte." Great for the Twin Peaks fan in your life! Pair it with those Kim Kardashian cupcakes for the world's most bizarre celebrity mashup.

Snoop Dogg TomTom GPS Voice Setting. For the person who has literally everything, now you can outfit their GPS with Snoop Dogg's voice. (I . . . I ACTUALLY WANT THIS.)

Paula Deen Cookware. Want to help someone channel Paula's iconic Southern style? By blending an appreciation for quality craftsmanship with classic styling that's enlivened by a dash of nostalgia? Wrap up some of this cookware with a package of homemade fried butter balls. Also, a nitroglycerin tablet.

Bieber Silly Bandz. Know someone who can't get enough of these novelty rubber bands? Or perhaps they're roiling with Bieber Fever? They're sure to enjoy this pack of Bandz, which includes "6 shapes with 4 of each style; Headphones, Music Note, I Heart JB, Bieber Heart, Justin Singing and Justin’s Hat." (OMFG JUSTIN'S HAT!!!!!) (*passes out in pool of own urine*)

Anything by Fornarina. Because the Italian clothing label made it possible for us to enjoy Lindsay Lohan in this ad, which really showcases her amazing range as an actress.

 

Image via SillyBandz