'Real Housewives of Beverly Hills': Who You Calling Insecure?

Wendi Aarons
9

camille grammer real housewives beverly hills

Drama! Cat fights! Name calling! Some people just can't get enough of that shit. And those people are usually called "third graders." Or The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.

Zing!

This week revolves around a stupid "You said that!" "No, I didn't!" type fight between Camille and Kyle that started after their trip to Vegas. Camille claims that Kyle "interrogated" her about her trip to Hawaii, and she's totally upset that Kyle allegedly said, "Why would anyone want to be with you if Kelsey's not around." Oh, no she d'int!

Of course Kyle claims up and down that she "d'int" say that, and I'm wont to believe her because between the two of them, she's the one who probably won't someday be hospitalized for "exhaustion" at Promises Malibu. But that aside, here's a little thing that nobody ever seems to realize when they're having this type of dispute on a reality show: IT'S ON VIDEO, YOU NUMBNUTS. Just go find some pimply intern and have him watch backlogs of footage until he uncovers the awful truth. Geez, ladies. THINK.

Anyway, the show begins with Lisa Vanderpump and her cute, gay house guest Cedric waking up early to buy flowers for her posh restaurant Villa Blanca. Not much else happens, but it just makes me wish that I had a cute, gay house guest of my own instead of two ungrateful children who don't know the first thing about how to arrange African lilies so they really pop.

We're then treated to scenes of the ladies shopping for the big trip they're taking to NYC, as the guests of Camille, for the opening of Kelsey Grammer's play La Cage Aux Folles. Shopping team number one (Taylor and Kyle) have a grand time, but shopping team number two (Adrienne and Kim) have a less than a grand time because Adrienne's uncle dies. (Dies at home, not in the store.The prices weren't that high.)

Camille is in the middle of brunch at one of her 1,200 homes with her assortment of hangers on and staff -- including Handsome Nick and creepy "friend" Carl, who I'm starting to suspect is either her aging bodyguard or her personal umbrella holder -- when she hears the news from Adrienne. She then says something like, "I feel so bad for her, but I hope nothing else goes wrong that affects ME." Uh-huh. She so did.

Her self-involvement gets even worse when she's in NYC having her nails done with her sweet cancer-stricken mother and basically says, "It's really hard on me that you're sick because I don't have anyone to support me." WHA? COULD YOU BE ANY MORE NARCISSISTIC, YOU BLONDE FREAK?! If I were her mother, I'd have summoned up all of my strength and jabbed her in the eye with a cuticle scissors until she learned some empathy. Honestly, Camille. Pull your head out.

Back in BH, Lisa and Kyle are hypnotized so Kyle is no longer scared of flying, then the two of them, plus Kim and Taylor, arrive at LAX to fly to NYC. My favorite scene was when the Virgin America counter worker asks Lisa if she'd flown with them before and she says, "Oh, yes, and I'm friends with Richard (Branson)." It totally reminded me of when I was at the Austin airport and the Southwest Airline counter worker asked if I'd flown with them before and I said, "Oh, yes, and I'm friends with Rico, the baggage handler with a meth problem and one arm. We go way back."

Let's now jump back to NYC where Camille arrives at her 3,500-square-foot apartment that she claims over and over is too small for them. She seems to realize that's a snotty thing to say, but then keeps on saying it. Anyway, the elusive Kelsey then shows up and it's very sweet to see him hugging his (adorable) kids until Camille interrupts them to ask for "some sugar" for herself. Then they have a super cute pillow fight with the kids and it's all very depressing because you know he's just going to break their hearts soon. (He even says to the camera, "We've been married 13 years and it hasn't been all connubial bliss.")

The BH squadron finally arrive in NYC and are greeted by Camille. At this point, the producers have whipped the "WHAT WILL CAMILLE AND KYLE SAY TO EACH OTHER?!?!" controversy into such a major frenzy, that tension is riding sky high when finally they go into a private room to air things out. After a few minutes of a somewhat convoluted conversation -- during which Camille totally freaks out and gives us her crazy eyes that are even bigger than Ramona Singer's -- the two make up and hug it out. Things are all better!

For 20 minutes.

Because for some inexplicable reason known only to her and the voices in her head, Camille arbitrarily decides that she's actually NOT going to forgive Kyle, and they then launch into a fight at the dinner table that's so horrible, it makes Kyle use the F-word and all of the other women look like they wished they were outside in a cab headed to Harlem. Camille is super pissed that Kyle called her insecure (which she kind of did) and just won't leave it alone. Then she later says something to the camera like, "Well, I stayed in control, so I win!" Win what? The contest for "Biggest Lipped Psycho Reality Show Person To Prove She's Not Insecure By Acting Insecure"? I really want to like you Camille, I really do, but you're making it awfully hard.

Sadly, the show then ends mid-fight, but guess what, my friends? It looks like the drama continues into next week because IT'S JUST THAT GOOD OF A CATFIGHT!

Rwor.

 

Image via BravoTV


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