'Survivor Nicaragua' Recap: Tribal Meltdown

Linda Sharps

Last week's episode brought the merge, so we're down to one camp, Libertad, where we open with yet another night scene. Tensions are running high after the last tribal council during which Marty tried to throw Jane under a bus, and Jane, in classic Jane style, has come up with a scathing nickname for him.

Are you ready for this? It's "Mr. Farty."


Marty knows there's a target on his back and so he continues his campaign to get rid of Jane. Jane mentions that she'd like to take him to the woodshed and whup his ass. Somewhere, a banjo plays.

Challenge time! The teams are randomly drawn: men against women. Wait, this was random? Huh. Chase has to sit out, but Jeff tells him he can pick one of the teams and, if they win, he gets to share the reward with them. He hems and haws and says, "I know it's crazy, but I'm going with the women."

How ... endearing.

It's an intensely physical challenge and the women hold their own, but the men win. Reward is a day spent ziplining above the Nicaraguan forest, an activity that solicits a fantastic expression on Dan's face, one that says, "DEAR GOD I WISH I HAD WORN MY BROWN PANTS TODAY."

Back at camp, Chase is hanging with the ladies, which is a situation that has all the trappings of a great porno except it's Chase. Bo-ring.

Second challenge! This one's a memorization game, and Marty is taking it really seriously with some kind of mnemonic trick that requires a lot of intense mumbling. Either that or he's finally just lost it and he's speaking in tongues, it's hard to tell. Sadly for him, Brenda wins, guaranteeing her personal immunity in tribal council.

Afterwards, Benry teams up with Fabio to discuss how dorky their names are. I mean, to discuss strategy. Apparently the plan is for everyone to pretend like they're going to vote NaOnka off, then blindside Jane.

"We should just lay low and play stupid," says Benry.

"I hate playing stupid so much," moans Fabio. "But it's so easy."

Um, that's because you're actually stupid, Fabio.

Marty tries to get Brenda on board with the NaOnka/Jane blindside, but Brenda asserts to the camera that there's no way Marty's calling the shots.

"Sash and I are running this camp," she says.

Really? Because I kind of think Sash is your little puppet, Brenda, to do with as you wish. But let's see what Sash has to say in the very next scene!


SASH approaches BRENDA.

BRENDA: "How are you voting tonight?"

SASH: "I'm ... I'm voting however you are."


Tribal council time! Here comes the first member of the jury, Alina. Her hair is very clean.

Jeff addresses the tribe and brings up the small matter of NaOnka stealing food in the last episode, which is totally one of those pot-stirring things he's been doing in the last couple seasons. NaOnka is suitably irritated with him: "I don't want to talk about it anymore, Jeff." She also, awesomely, calls herself a humanitarian before correcting it to "human."

Marty takes the opportunity to light into NaOnka and she fires back. "I don't like him," she says, waving in Marty's direction while he performs some vigorous eye-rolls. "His hair. His walk. SUCKS."

Then things get completely insane, with NaOnka freestyle ranting at everyone and dropping bleeped-out F bombs and doing the ghetto headshake and indulging in a little yelling match with Fabio (who slaps his hand over his face and whimpers, accurately, "This is crazy"). Jeff, who has some truly great facial expressions during the whole meltdown, eventually addresses NaOnka and says what we're all thinking: basically, that he can't believe no one's voted her out yet.


Voting time! Surely NaOnka will play her idol after that freakshow screaming match she just had, right? Long, lingering shots of everyone looking at everyone else ... NaOnka staring defiantly ahead ... aaaaaaand ... nope, she doesn't. Well, you have to give her this: psychopants has some balls.

The votes come in and it's looking like a tie between Marty and Jane and boom, the hammer falls. On Marty's head. SUCKY hair and all.

I'm not surprised to see him go, but I'm kind of sorry we didn't get to see an epic Marty/Brenda showdown. I'm not sure who I'm even rooting for at this point—Jane, maybe, despite her yee-haw colloquialisms.

What did you think of tonight's show? And what on earth do you think is going on in the teaser of next week's episode? I'm betting that their shelter got destroyed, what's your guess?

Image via CBS

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