Adam Carolla—radio personality, TV host, comedian, actor, and professional douchebag—has come out with a book called "In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks: . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy." If you're currently hovering over the Buy button, tempted by the title alone, consider this: according to the Amazon description, this book "cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire."

Gosh, I can barely stop myself from one-clicking it RIGHT NOW.

Carolla recently talked with PopEater about his many conflicting political views, which Carolla describes as a "weird grab bag of whatever makes sense." Want to know what's rattling around in the former Man Show star's brain? Here are a few choice items:

He opposes welfare, despite receiving welfare as a kid.

"I mean, we were poor. I wasn't being abused, but we were on welfare. […] I'm not into the welfare state, I'm not into all those freebie lunch programs. It just kind of demeans people."

He likes smokin' but not shootin'.

"I'd like pot to be legalized and I'm against semi-automatic and automatic weapons."

He doesn't want freebie lunches, but free birth control for kids is cool. No soda, though. Dude, fat chicks are gross.

"I'm all for the morning after pill being distributed to every kid in school and I don't like the idea of Coke and Pepsi being sold at schools when we've got a bunch of fat-a**es there."

He thinks heterosexual parents are preferable to gay parents. You know: it's a nature thing.

"Look, if something happens to me, I'd rather my kids were raised by a heterosexual couple rather than a gay couple, all things being equal. I just believe a mom and dad is better than two dads or two moms. I don't believe this, I just know this. I'm an atheist, it's not a religious thing, it's a nature thing."

He supports racial profiling, but why stop there?

"I'm all for profiling. I'm for profiling and that includes age, gender, height, race and weight."

Yeah, I have to say I'm probably going to pass on this particular think-tank. I like strong opinions, but not when they're coming from the wanker who used to be on Loveline, you know?

What about you, will you be checking out Adam's book?

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