Things got a little raunchy on The Real Housewives of Atlanta this week.
From the opening conversation regarding beef curtains, it was evident we were in for a shocking show.
If you don't know what a beef curtain is, you really don't need to, but suffice it to say it has to do with the way a woman's "vajayjay" looks and some sort of extra piece hanging out. Beyond that, you can Google it (be careful, NSFW!).
Then there was Phaedra Parks and her pregnancy/porno portraits involving pickles.
Awkward Pregnancy Photos has nothing on these as Phaedra shoved a ginormous pickle down her throat and continued to lick and slurp and suggestively bite it atop her bulging belly.
The photographer coached her along the way, "You can suck it, you don't have to chew it."
At one point, Phaedra's husband Apollo joined in on the action, and they each had one end (of the pickle) in their mouths. Nothing says welcome to the world like parents doing that.
At a Mother's Day brunch hosted by Cynthia, talk somehow turned to dildos and then oral sex.
Kandi started giving tips involving sugar.
It works! You wet your finger, you stick it in the sugar, then put the sugar in your vajayjay. Then it makes the vajayjay sticky.
Phaedra chimed in with her love for the technique as well but said she prefers to use powdered sugar.
I told you it got raunchy!
NeNe couldn't handle the heat and almost gagged.
Listen, I would never put Kool Aid, canned yams, a peppermint candy, pancake syrup ... in MY vajayjay, that's crazy!
NeNe admitted that she's not real adventurous in the bedroom, and Cynthia's husband Peter jumped way out of line and told her that's probably why she's having trouble with her husband, Greg.
NeNe was pissed, but seemingly resigned to divorce, even though we don't know exactly why. She was, however, thrilled with her new nose, stomach, and "hooker" boobs that are "real high, nipples to the sky."
And while she shopped for new bras to support them, she doesn't really want to wear one anyway.
I don't like bras because I paid money to make my titties stand up.
Who puts the "real" in Real Housewives? NeNe does.
Someone who seems to have no idea what reality is: Phaedra Parks, who also apparently has no idea when her baby is due ... or how long a baby should remain in the womb. She says she's about five or six months pregnant, but the baby is going to be coming any day.
When someone questions the safety of that, she says, "Not if everything's fully formed and the lungs are functioning."
She said regardless, doctors are planning to deliver the baby at 34 weeks.
She was clearly spinning her wheels (or a tangled web), and NeNe called it.
Shut up, that is so stupid! Look, chicks from the hood, honey, don't even know who they pregnant by and they know how far they are.
NeNe wagered that it's either not Apollo's baby or she got pregnant before she got married -- which scandal will it be? Sounds like quite the pickle she's gotten herself into.
What did you think of The Real Housewives of Atlanta steamy episode this week? What do you think the deal is with Phaedra Parks and her phantom due date?
Image via Bravotv.com