For the third time in six months, Randy Quaid and his wife Evi were arrested—this time in Canada, for missing a court appearance in California. What's going on with this strange Hollywood couple who seems to think they're above the law, flagrantly skipping court dates, trashing houses and hotels, and generally acting like Charlie Sheen on a months-long bender? They appeared on Good Morning America today to tell their side of the story.
According to the Quaids, they are being pursued by "star-whackers"—murderous members of the same underground conspiracy who had Heath Ledger and David Carradine killed.
Yes. "Star-whackers." I'll ... just let you digest that for a bit.
Evi Quaid told ABC, presumably while frantically scratching at her tinfoil helmet:
We are refugees. We are Hollywood refugees. I feel like Uma Thurman buried in a coffin. I genuinely feel these people are trying to kill us.
They follow us, they tail us. They tag our cell phone, they hack our computer. We're just trying to find some safety and security in this.
The Quaids insist that Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lohan, and Britney Spears are all in danger from the dreaded star-whackers.
Well, where does one even get started with this? It sounds to me like the sort of bizarre ranting that comes when a person has been ingesting venomous amounts of illegal substances for a long, long time, but maybe it's just garden-variety shared schizophrenia? Or maybe they've been reading up on celebrity bad-behavior excuses and decided to come up with the worst one of all time?
Whatever the situation is, it's obviously sad on a number of levels. As Evi points out, if it wasn't for the star-whackers and their star-victimizing agenda, we'd all be enjoying top-quality cinematic content from Randy's brother Dennis Quaid.
Dennis is now on a treadmill of making movies that are garbage and it's unfortunate because he's talented.
Image via Santa Barbara Sheriff's Office