Sean Penn's Supermodel Ex Celebrates Their Breakup With Criminal Assault

Linda Sharps

Some women might clean out the freezer section of the grocery store and spend a week mainlining Haagen-Dazs while watching that one The Last of the Mohicans scene over and over ("No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you!"). Some women might leave 10,000 messages on his Facebook wall publicly describing the microscopic size of his penis. Some women might dust off their hands, shrug, then go out to dinner with that hot guy from Accounting.

And then there's Sports Illustrated model Jessica White, who first hit the town to celebrate her newly single status after breaking up with Sean Penn ... then hit another woman. Repeatedly. In the face.

Allegedly, that is.

Jessica White, who has posed for Sports Illustrated's Swimsuit Edition, was arrested early Saturday morning outside Avenue Lounge in NYC after she reportedly hit another woman and pulled her hair. Apparently there was an altercation over a taxicab, at which point I can only assume an epic catfight took place, with weaves and hooters flying every which way.

White's lawyer said that the police report "doesn't sound like Jessica, and she must have been provoked," but the New York Post reports that White is no stranger to legal troubles, having once (allegedly!) damaged a girl's car with a baseball bat during an argument.

Of course, her on-again, off-again boyfriend Sean Penn isn't exactly known for being a law-abiding citizen either. In February, he was sentenced to three years' probation and 300 hours of community service for kicking a photographer.

Awesomely, White's attorney went on to make a statement that either indicates he has a balloon fetish or is in dire need of a thesaurus:

Stories concerning celebrities frequently get blown up and I am confident that when the air is released from this blown up story that has obviously been over inflated, all that will be left will be hot air with no substance.

Well, I have to say this is certainly a unique approach to dealing with a breakup, and while I can't condone the violence, I'm sure dealing with legal fees and possibly facing community service or anger management classes goes a long way toward getting Sean Penn off her mind.

Then again, they have so much more in common now! Maybe it was ... meant to be. ("No matter how many taxi-stealing hos I have to punch, I WILL FIND YOU!")

Image via Facebook

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