We have no idea why Derek of The A-List is still single.
He's gorgeous, funny, and smart. Well, smart enough to pronounce his friend Gina's name in a way that rhymes with "vagina."
We love Derek.
Fortunately, Derek is not the type to mope around his gorgeous apartment and decides instead to throw himself a Big Gay Party at the SoHo House library, New York City's deluxe members-only club. He's a little put off that the party room accommodates only 120 people and thinks that he'll have to scale back his guest list. For a "just because" occasion. Poor thing. One thing Derek knows for sure is that Austin is not invited to the party. (We can't wait to see Austin at the party!)
Derek has a date! With Roberto, who is mildly foreign and even more mildly attractive. Derek thinks he's adorable. Roberto mentions that he works in retail at Barney's, which gets us all excited, except Derek is frowning. See, Derek's perfect man is rich, successful, and top of the A-List (ours is rich, successful, and doesn't gag when we watch the A-List). And retail just doesn't cut it. Due to Roberto's alleged adorableness, Derek decides to overlook his scarlet R for Retail and invites him to his gay party.
Apparently Derek is not familiar with terms such as employee discount and what the hell are you complaining about, at least your boyfriend has a job, unlike my freeloading lover Rodiney.
Speaking of which, there's trouble in Paradise. Or Hell's Kitchen. Despite cooking in their underwear, Reichen and Rodiney are not getting along.
Oh, it's nothing. Just that Reichen does all the work and earns all the money, while Rodiney mopes around and says that he wants Reichen to hug him more. It's reassuring that even gorgeous men with perfect bodies can argue about whose turn it is to take out the garbage. "Why can't you do it?" Rodiney whines. And Reichen explains that he's been taking the trash out twice a day. Rodiney may want to consider transitioning to The Real Housewives of New York City for next season. We need some boy eye candy over there. Reichen and Rodiney decide to see a therapist. We decide to pray that their therapy session won't be on camera.
Oh, yeah. Forgot to tell you that Ryan and Reichen go to receive side-by-side spa treatments that involve Ryan having a masque and Reichen getting the tattoo on his foot massaged.
Ryan has taken a "big brother" interest in Austin. Despite dire warnings from Derek, he sees no reason not to trust him, so he introduces him to his kazillion contacts in the fashion industry and we're soon treated to a photo shoot where Austin bares all. It's a little blurry from where we're sitting, but according to the expressions on T.J.'s face, Austin's all is all that. Ryan feels like he's in an '80s porn show, which apparently has negative connotations. There's just no pleasing some people.
Finally, it's party day! We know this because Rodiney looks like he smelled sour shit and tells Reichen that he's ready to leave. Within what looks like 12 seconds of getting there. Reichen explains that he's exhausted from discussing their relationship and wants to stay with his friends. Weirdo. Rodiney leaves alone.
Guess who pops by! If you guessed Austin, mazel tov! He explains that he wasn't cordially invited but he came with a friend. But oh NO! Big Brother Ryan is mad at him. See, Ryan pulled some strings and got Austin an appointment with an immigration lawyer (you know, so that Austin's fiance could stay in NYC longer) and Austin and Jake didn't show up. Not going to see a lawyer is some kind of cardinal sin in Ryan's book and he doesn't want to deal with Austin. The hell? Please don't make us defend Austin. Please.
Fortunately Ryan doesn't believe in keeping it all inside, so he tells Austin why he's mad at him. Even more fortunately, Austin has a good excuse about why they didn't come to the appointment. See, he and Jake were in Times Square the night before, being crazy and stupid and punching each other in the face, so they were all bloody and couldn't go to see the lawyer. What, this has never happened to you?
Ryan's not buying it. And Derek is seething. He's upset that his hot new crush Roberto did not come, but his arch nemesis Austin did. Sure, that makes for a lousy party. But it makes for unbelievable TV.
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