There's a really strange trend that's been sweeping Hollywood for a while, and maybe one of you can explain what the hell is up because I am totally confused.
See, if I were a famous celebrity with photographers crawling up my ass all the time, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't show up in public with a ton of white powder all over myself.
So I can only suspect there's some secret reason stars are repeatedly hitting the town covered in cocaine or baby powder or ground-up rhinoceros horn aphrodisiac or whatever it is that's covering the faces, laps, and feet of A-listers everywhere.
The latest celeb to sport a powder facial accessory is Uma Thurman, who showed up to a NYC event yesterday with white crap coating the end of her nose. It looks a bit like the Kill Bill star was rooting shnozz-first in the bowl of complementary high-grade inhalants I assume is de rigueur in all A-lister limos, but based on the matching whiteface Nicole Kidman wore in 2009, it's some kind of weird makeup trick designed to . . . man, I don't even know. Reshape their face, somehow? And maybe it doesn't normally show up in photos but someone had a special powder-revealing camera and—no, none of this makes sense. I DON'T GET IT.
Jessica Biel was rocking the same look recently. Are these people are being attacked by angry mimes, or are their stylists just really pissed at them?
There there's everyone's favorite trainwreck Courtney Love, who was spotted in Paris with a pile of powder on her skirt. Now, for our girl Courtney, I'm just going to go ahead and assume she was doing rails in off a filthy bathroom floor and things got out of hand, but still. Was no one available to help dust her off, for the love of spilled drugs?
Lastly, we have Lindsay Lohan, who came strolling out of a friend's house in L.A. last March with white powder literally exploding out of her shoes. I've heard of putting baby powder in your shoes to help with the fit, but, like, a WHOLE CONTAINER?
I have no idea what this mysterious white powder craze is all about, but I'm starting to wonder if it has something to do with Scientology and that's why no one can discuss it. In fact, now that I've brought this to your attention, I'll probably be killed. If you never hear from me again, tell my family I love them, okay? And can someone, ANYONE, give Uma a tissue?
Image via David_Shankbone/Flickr