Today Oprah and I went fly fishing. That's right. Fly fishing. Like with a rod and a reel and sloshing around in muddy water and stuff.
And you know what? I'm a little miffed.
The audience gets trips to Australia. Australia! Now I'd really like to go there!
And cars. New cars. With that new car smell and everything.
And her favorite things. Cameras and watches and cozy boots and yummy treats. Viewers score goodies like that all the time. TVs and sweaters and too-expensive purses and ... sigh ... you get my point.
I'm her best friend and what do I get? A floppy hat and a fishing pole. Yep! That's all she wrote.
Even Jon Stewart's audience gets a free trip to Washington, DC. Um, helloooo? They're not even her viewers!
I'm a good friend. I really am. I listen to her troubles, feed her dogs when she's out of town, and read all of the book club selections. (Yes, all of them.)
I mean, I'm really there for her. When Oprah wants someone to search out the best cake in the country, whom does she call? Me.
And who do you think made the apps for the legends lunch? You guessed it. Moi.
So do you know how I felt when she drove up to my house, burst in the door, and announced, "We're going FLYYYYY FISHINGG!"?
I'm sure I don't even have to tell you. I know, I'll get over it. But until then, I'm going to get a T-shirt printed up:
My Best Friend Is Oprah and All I Got Was a Lousy Fly Fishing Trip
Image via Splash News