The 'Real' Reason Celebs Aren't on Facebook

social networkSeveral celebrities including Justin Timberlake, Robert PattinsonJennifer Aniston, and Drew Barrymore aren't ashamed to admit that they boycott Facebook. But their excuses for holding out against social networking are a bit cagey.

Some blamed a lack of technological prowess; others were bothered by the lack of privacy. And Kristen Stewart took the opportunity to unintelligibly rant about how Twitter "f&cks [her] over every day of [her] life."

I'm offended these stars think that they can simply proclaim themselves to be computerly challenged and expect us to believe them. We will not be fooled so easily! In fact, we know the real reason they're all staying off Facebook ...


It's simply because: They're just TOO COOL!

Let me explain: There's a reason I'm addicted to Foursquare and that every time I go to Duane Reade for deodorant, I need to broadcast it to Twitter and Facebook. It's because I'm neither hip nor famous and I want as much rapt attention as possible from my 4 Twitter followers and 39 Facebook friends (17 of which I'm related to by blood).

Now Justin Timberlake is the King of Cool, so there's obviously no reason for him to have to grovel for the spotlight like the rest of us.

Same thing goes for the world's most eligible single woman, Jennifer Aniston. Her relationship status is one of our nation's most hotly debated topics. Instead of stressing herself out by having to decide which label to click in her Facebook profile, she just ignores it altogether and is probably better for it. Wouldn't life be so much less stressful if we all took a cue from her?

Finally, there's Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart who love their privacy so much, they can't even be photographed without getting pissed about it. They're definitely the last people on the planet who should be on Facebook, but are they any less popular for avoiding it? Not a chance.

The lesson learned here? The less you use social networking, the cooler you are. (Finally, I've found a way to feel okay about my 39 Facebook friends.)

Do you know anyone who's still holding out against Facebook?


Image via Columbia Pictures

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