Seattle native James Burns wants the band Weezer to go away. Like right now. And he's willing to try and raise $10 million to convince them to do it.
No ... Burns doesn't really hate Rivers Cuomo et al. He's just sick and tired of waiting for them to put out an album that he deems as good as their early ones. Hear him out:
"This isn't about me. This is about Weezer fans, This is an abusive relationship, and it needs to stop now. I am tired of my friends being disappointed year after year."
For their part, the band is playing right along, even graciously offering to undergo a "deluxe" breakup if Burns can up the offer to $20 million.
I like this Burns kid. And I know what he means. Some famous people just need to go away. Many musicians, actors, and even some people on television commercials have overstayed their welcome. And if money is what it takes? Well, let the fundraising begin:
Courtney Love You're crazy ... we get it. Now here's a cool mill to leave. Forever.
Tom Cruise My contempt for this creepy guy started way before the couch jumping. Tom, here's some cash to gather up Kate and the kid and get packing. (And please don't forget Suri's high heels.)
Jada Pinkett Smith Way too happy. Deliriously so. Something's wrong here. Now bye-bye!
Miley Cyrus Do I have to explain myself on this one? Really?
The Progressive Insurance Lady Please. Shut. Up.
Gwyneth Paltrow Anyone who is morally against the consumption of any animal that she doesn't personally deem delicious needs to go.
Gosselins Jon, Kate ... the whole lot. In fact, let's just say any family of multiples on TV.
Kanye West See Miley Cyrus.
Victoria Beckham Smile, please. Oh, you can't? Please leave.
Dr. Phil See Kanye West.
Kirstie Alley You're fat. You're thin. Oops ... you're fat again. And you know what? I don't really care. Bye.
Charlie Sheen Ew.
David Hasselhoff Double ew. And he can't even dance.
What about you? Who would you send to celebrity Siberia?
Image via weezer.com