Good grief, Logo TV, why have you deprived us of The A-List up until now? Because I can't stop talking about it. To myself. But still.
Tonight's episode introduced us to power gay Reichen Lehmkuhl, who most people know as a past winner of The Amazing Race, Lance Bass' ex-love interest, a former Air Force member, a jewelry line designer, and a proud owner of bone structure sculpted by God Himself. As we join The A-List, Reichen is preparing to make his theatrical debut in My Big Gay Italian Wedding Off-Broadway. He is nervous.
Fortunately, he has a beautiful Brazilian boyfriend Rodiney to take some of the edge off. Unfortunately, Rodiney has not been able to find work as a model in NYC. This makes Rodiney sad. For reasons that are unclear Rodiney sounds a lot like Arnold Schwarzenegger, and to add insult to injury although he speaks very clearly, Logo is subtitling everything that he says. Like that modeling agents "are kind of mean."
Speaking of "kind of mean," Reichen's ex-boyfriend or someone he kissed (depending on who you ask), Austin is back in town. Austin looks like Heath Ledger might have looked if he'd never pursued acting. Austin is Marc Jacobs' ex, and he tells us that he broke the one rule that Marc told him never to break. What was the rule, you wonder. Was it not to mix the meat and dairy dishes? Never to delete the Housewives reunion show from the DVR? No. The one rule was Don't bring friends to Marc Jacobs' home.
So of course that's exactly what Austin did and within five minutes all his stuff was packed and he was out on the street with two trash bags and a brand-new Louis Vuitton duffel bag. It's unclear whether he already had the duffel bag or Marc Jacobs got him the duffel bag as a parting gift, but I'm starting to suspect that the relationship wasn't heading toward the altar even before Austin invited his friends over.
But Austin is back in NYC and wants to make it on his own and wants to make sure that when his name is mentioned, Marc Jacobs' name is nowhere near his. Apparently his plan is to accomplish this by mentioning Marc Jacobs' name repeatedly. He also wants to make some friends, some real friends, the types who don't mind if he brings his other friends over to their house. Oh yeah, he also wants to model.
He meets with a modeling agent who tells him, nicely, to lose some weight. Austin tries to talk his way out of it, explaining that he has confidence which can be sexy and that in the face of such sexy confidence (MARC JACOBS!) a six-pack may not be strictly necessary.
Unfortunately, he's telling this to the modeling agent who is noticeably less impressed than Oprah would have been and insists that Austin lose weight if he wants to model. It's like this whole modeling thing is about appearance or something.
After working with a trainer, Austin meets with some other A-Listers and starts dropping names about the gaymous (I feel practically illiterate for not knowing that word and can't wait to casually work it into conversation!) that he'd hung out with. Including Reichen. The men agree that Austin is not someone that you'd leave your boyfriend with in a room unattended.
This is sound advice, and as our A-Listers are sitting in the audience of My Big Gay Italian Wedding, Austin 20/20's about Rodiney about his relationship with Reichen. And then concludes that Rodiney is less of a model and more of a hot arm candy Brazilian homeless couch surfer. And the weird thing is that he doesn't make it sound like a compliment.
Although copyright laws and the Geneva Convention Against Torture did not permit Logo to share Reichen's theatrical debut with us, we next see him and Rodiney in the Hamptons hot tub about to have sex. Reichen lets us know, as though we were blind morons, that Rodiney is super sexy and that when Rodiney wants to have sex, Reichen is ready!
Except when the phone rings, apparently, which it does at that very moment, right when they are about to get intimate for the cameras, damn it, and Rodiney leaves the hot tub to answer it. It's Austin! And he wants to get together for dinner! For reasons that elude people who are not on The A-List, Reichen agrees and then returns to the hot tub. For some strange reason, Rodiney is no longer in the mood.
Angst! Drama! Potential Betrayal! And of course, Anger! Because now we have to wait a full week for the next episode.
Photo via The A-List/Facebook