Snooki's New Novel: A Sneak Peek at Chapter One

Linda Sharps

Here's something fun: In honor of Snooki's upcoming novel, tentatively titled A Shore Thing! -- which is sure to be the finest literary achievement this side of The Great Gatsby (you can tell it's going to be awesome by the exclamation point alone) -- Gawker wants you to write the first page for her. Well, not for her, exactly, it's more like for making fun of her, but still. The winner gets a big old box of advance copy books, so that's pretty cool.

All you've got to do is leave your contribution in the comments section of their post. Remember that Snooki's novel will be about a girl who goes to the Jersey Shore to find love on the boardwalk, so it should at least loosely follow that scintillating plot construction.

Here's my take on A Shore Thing!:

My head aches. I probably shouldn't have put those beers in my margaritas earlier this morning but I'd been feeling kind of tired and I'm pretty sure beer has, like, vitamins and shit. Also my vag is kind of hurting but who knows what that's all about. God, it's not like I can remember everything I did last night. I'm a busy girl, you know what I mean?

I swear my skin is turning all Michael Jackson or something. Frickin' Obama and his tanning tax. I wish I could shove a fried pickle up his butt. I mean I guess he's kinda hot and I'd probably bang him 'cause he looks all clean and like he washes his hands and stuff, but still.

This summer's turning into a bust. I only screwed like 10 guys and none of them had that business-juicehead vibe I'm going for. Like they was all juiceheads and that's cool but they weren't very romantical. Not like that guido I met earlier this week. God, I hope I see him again. You know what he said to me? He said, Snooki, youse so short. And I was like, duh. And then he goes, you're the perfect height for goin' down on me in the back of a car.

It was the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said to me. I get shivers just thinking about it. I'll never forget him, never in a million years.

I think his name was Rob or Billy or some shit.

Oh, I know. You're thinking, Linda, why aren't you a famous Harlequin novelist? Believe me, it isn't easy living with all this natural romance-writing talent.

If you enter Gawker's contest, post your Snooki-story here too! Come on, you know you want to.

Image via MTV

Read More