Oh to be as pretty, witty, and clever as a Gossip Girl.
Some of the best lines of the night were zingers Blair Waldorf slung at whoever got in her well-heeled way.
First up was Eva, the lovely new love interest of B.'s ex, Chuck Bass. Upon running into the fair-haired beauty at a dress shop, Blair blasted her with:
"It doesn't matter if the dress is couture if the girl is off the rack."
"Even a manicure can't mask those peasant hands."
Upon seeing the suspicious Juliette with Nate Archibald, she delivered what may be one the show's best lines ever:
"Once men have tasted caviar it baffles me how they settle for catfish."
And of Nate Archibald, who is still holding a grudge against Serena for cheating on him then fleeing the country for the summer:
"I thought the only thing he got upset about was a badly rolled joint."
Now just remember some of these lines to sprinkle into conversation at will.
The question plaguing most of the rest of the show: Juliette, oh Juliette, who the hell are you Juliette?
Not only has the mystery girl stolen the affections of Nate, but there she was in charge of Hamilton House, the elite society Blair and Serena were set on entering at their new school, Columbia.
Only the fair Juliette denied S. access and set out to pull B. away from her, plying her with martinis and telling both of them lies -- classic mean girl 101 stuff.
But it wasn't enough to take down the dynamic duo, and Juliette was left humiliated after they blew her cover and revealed her B.S.
Don't eff with B. and S.
But Juliette has more up her sleeve as the episode ended with her at a prison, reporting to a man in an orange jumpsuit.
"Don't worry, I'll get it done, I promise."
Scary stuff, J.
The rest of the episode was a soul purging for Chuck Bass, who offered apologies and came clean to Eva about his past. After initial shock about all his errant ways, she ran back into his arms.
"I've seen the man you can be, and I choose to believe in that man" ... or his bazillions of dollars he's been wowing her with, who knows.
And thankfully, it seems like they finally are putting the whole boring Dan/Baby Milo drama to a merciful end. The wrap: Georgina is back (crazier than ever, but back), the baby isn't Dan's, and he and Vanessa have moved in together.
As have B. & S. -- which just spells mess waiting to happen.
Did you watch Gossip Girl this week? Thoughts?
Image via cwtv.com