Ashton Kutcher Should Stop Texting. Right Now.

Cary Fagan
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ashton
Put the phone down, Ashton!

As I'm sure everyone knows by now, Star magazine has accused Ashton Kutcher of cheating on Demi Moore -- not once, but twice. First was the story that Kutcher was making out with a hot young blonde at a Hollywood restaurant. Then 21-year-old Brittney Jones rang up the eager-to-listen tab and swooned about doing it on Ashton and Demi's couch. (How romantic!)

Up to that point, I greeted the news with a big fat yawn. I mean, how do we know this is true? There are many reasons someone would lie. We didn't know who Jones was before and now we do, right? There's your motive right there.

But then the text messages came out.

Texts of Brittney wondering when he'd be alone in the house next ... and reportedly of Kutcher asking her: "‘what are u wearing now" True, the messages haven't been proven to be his, but from the looks of it, this is turning out to be a really, really bad episode of Punk'd for the actor.

What is it with famous guys who cheat and text the girl? Don't they realize that in this age of instant fame that women will run to the nearest tabloid and through a flood of tears share their sordid breakup tale with the world? And now they have proof! Throw in a little luck and chutzpah and the mistress could potentially land her own reality show.

Jesse James' marriage to Sandra Bullock came undone after Michelle "Bombshell" McGee went public with their affair, with steamy texts as proof.

Tiger Woods was busted after declaring his undying love to Rachel Uchitel via text. And his undying lust for many, many other women as well. Woods' wife Elin discovered the messages and, well, you know what happened next.

And David Boreanaz was also caught texting with Uchitel. Most notable missive: The cocktail hostess chiding the Bones star about not leaving his wife, Jaime Bergman, while Bergman was in labor with his second child. Charming.

(Note to any man: If you date Uchitel and she asks for your cell number, don't panic. Stay calm. Shake your head and walk away slowly. No, I don't care that you're single. Just do it.)

Face it, gentlemen. It's not too smart to do the dirty deed and text your dirty deed-ee. Just ask Ashton. And Tiger and Jesse and David.

Are you baffled by the number of celebrities who are caught cheating via text messages?


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