Paris Hilton Pleads Guilty: An Insider Exclusive

Amy Keyishian
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Chanel Clutch
Rejected. Reclaimed. How does it feel?
Paris Hilton entered a courtroom today to cop to possession of cocaine (coke, gum -- same difference), and skated away (once again) with hardly a slap on her Cartier-adorned little wrist. All Paris had to do was admit her wrongdoing, and she was “ordered to stay out of trouble,” and given a teeny fine (for her) and some community service (riiiiight).

But what about the real victim here? You know who I’m talking about. The one who Paris denied knowing -- and then finally acknowledged. What about her feelings?

 


I’m talking about Paris Hilton’s purse.

Here my exclusive interview.

So how did it feel, hearing Paris say she didn’t even know you?
I’m not going to lie, it hurt. A lot. There we were, having a great time, riding in the Escalade through Vegas… and the next thing I knew, she was saying she didn’t even know me. You have no idea how that feels!

How long have you known Paris?
I’ll never forget the day we met. It was July 15, and she immediately took a TwitPic of me to show everyone. I thought, wow, we really have something – she really cares about me, to post a picture and tell everyone we were together. I mean, wouldn’t you think that meant something? So it was about a month and a half before that awful night -- August 28 -- when she got arrested. A lot can happen in a month and a half. A lot did happen. She’s lucky I’m a classy brand like Chanel. If I were a Gucci purse, I’d be blabbing a lot of secrets, let me tell you.

What if you were Coach?
Uch. Bite your tongue.

Why do you think she told everyone you weren’t her purse?
I don’t know. I guess she was scared. I mean, she also told everyone that her baggie of blow was Dentyne, so I guess she wasn’t really in her right mind.

That baggie must be feeling pretty bad, too.
Hey, it’s a baggie. Full of blow. It knew what it was getting into.

While you’re a bedazzled clutch.
Excuse me. I’m a strass-embroidered classic flap bag with a Mademoiselle chain and CHANEL signature turnlock, thank you very much.

How much did you cost, anyway?
A lady never tells … but it was a crap load more than a bag of blow, I’ll tell you.

 

Do you feel bad for Paris Hilton’s purse? Or was it just another hanger-on, clutching at fame?
 

Image from Chanel

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